


Everything Happens Eventually

by Arctic_comet



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-08-31 05:15:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8565448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arctic_comet/pseuds/Arctic_comet
Summary: This is a Jancy-centric take on my own speculation of what I think could happen in Season 2, and its aftermath, following our beloved characters all the way from 1984 until 1992. This is a story about hope, because I feel we all need some of it during these dark times we're now forced to face.Rated mature due to sexual content and an icky description of death in latter chapters.Background Joyce/Hopper and Mike/Eleven.





	1. Prologue

_February 1985_

Joyce Byers drove home after a late night shift. This is one of the first ones she’d worked since... Since losing Will. It’s been three months, but the wounds were still fresh and if she thinks about him too much, it paralyzes her completely. It had initially taken her weeks to realize that she had to find a way to function, had to find a way to be a better mother to Jonathan and a mother figure to Eleven. When Hop had first suggested she take in the girl, she’d vehemently refused, insisting she couldn’t do it, not in this state. But Hop knew better than to give up on her, and eventually she’d given in. After all, Eleven was just a little girl who needed a home. It wasn’t her fault that Will was dead. It's still hard to say the words, even just in her head, but she knows life has to go on in some form. For her that doesn't mean forgetting her son, but making sure the loved ones she still has know how much they mean to her.

It was Hop who had helped her keep it together when she’d felt like giving up for good. Finally having another adult to confide in had felt like a miracle. Jonathan was a teenager who still needed Joyce to be his parent, to look after him. It couldn’t be the other way around, no matter how hard he tried to be an adult, how hard he’d tried to be an adult since the divorce. Now that she no longer felt like she was drowning every single second of every single day, she couldn’t help but worry about him. Her sons always had a special relationship, a connection she knew she’d never be able to comprehend even though she’d given birth to both of them. Now he no longer had a brother and was, as she suspected all teens were, reluctant to open to her about his feelings. Maybe he was still scared she’d break if he told her, maybe it was just him being a teenager. Either way, what she wished for more than anything was that he had someone to talk to. As long as he had someone, she didn’t care who it was. What made her even more worried was that Jonathan had seen Will die, she hadn’t. Not being there at the hour of her youngest son’s death made her feel like a bad mother. She had tried not to ask Jonathan too many questions about the specifics of what had happened, and he hadn’t offered her many on his own volition.

However, what made her worry about Jonathan the most were the words she’d heard him speak into her shoulder when she’d first heard the news about Will. They’d barely registered back then, but when she’d resurfaced from the bottomless ocean of her own grief, she’d remembered. _I’m so sorry, mom. It should’ve been me, it should’ve been me._ That was also the only time she’d seen him cry over Will, but she wasn’t stupid enough to think it was the only time it had happened. She had tried every single trick in the book to try to get him to break down in front of her, just so that she could show him that she could handle it, so that she could console him, but nothing had worked. It was like he’d retreated into his shell and made it impenetrable, at least to her.

  
On the surface Jonathan was still mostly the same Jonathan he’d always been. He’d offered to give up his room to Eleven so that Will’s room could be kept the way it was, but she’d insisted he keep it. He cooked breakfast for her and Eleven, and then gave the girl a ride to school. He still put most of the money he earned into their grocery money jar and still thought she didn’t know that. When he was at home, he stayed in his room most of the time, listening to music or organizing his photos. He’d made an entire album filled with just pictures of Will and given it to her just the previous week.

Joyce wished he’d interact with Eleven a bit more, as she believed it would help both of them, but she wasn’t going to force him. She was going to keep trying to talk to him and believe that eventually he would open up. By now she knew that everyone dealt with grief in their own way and maybe Jonathan’s way was simply a private one. Maybe organizing the photos he’d taken of Will and his friends helped him deal with the loss.

  
Hop was already in bed when she entered the house. Ever since they had first saved Will, she’d developed a habit of checking in on her sons before going to bed. Tonight there was no need to do that with Eleven, as she was staying at the Wheelers’, but she cracked open Jonathan’s door, just to make sure. These days she often found him awake even at this hour, but this time the room was dark. As she opened the door further, she had to cover her mouth to stop herself from letting out a surprised squeak. Jonathan was asleep on the bed, _with a girl pulled tightly against him_. Joyce couldn’t make out her face in the dim light and because her face was directly pressed against Jonathan, but the dark tresses were enough to convince her that she was looking at Nancy Wheeler. Closing the door as quietly as she could, she leaned against the wall next to Jonathan’s room. A normal mother would’ve woken them up and insisted Nancy go home immediately, but instead all she could think was how much she wished the girl would stay over again soon. Jonathan was finally sleeping, and he’d looked at peace. Karen Wheeler might disagree with her, but she didn’t care. Jonathan had looked after himself for so long and thought he needed nobody, that all she wanted was for him to learn that it was okay to need other people and that everyone deserved to have someone.

Ever since Will had been rescued and come home, she’d asked Jonathan about Nancy Wheeler many times. He hadn’t been exactly forthcoming with information, and the gist of his answer had been _“It’s not like that, mom!_ ” She believed him, but she also knew him well enough to figure out that he wanted it to be _exactly like that_. And if that was what he wanted, it was what Joyce wanted too. The last time she’d asked him had been months ago, when Will had still been with them. She knew she shouldn’t jump into conclusions or give in to wishful thinking, so she decided to settle on crossing her fingers for it to be what she wanted it to be.

The fist that had been constantly squeezing her heart since Will's death eased its grip a bit, and after turning off the lights in the hallway, she changed and slipped under the covers next to Hop. 

"You're cold," he murmured. 

"Sorry, I thought you were sleeping," she replied.

"Was waiting for you to come home. How was work?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her. 

"The usual. Did you know that we have a guest?"

"Really? Who?"

"Nancy Wheeler."

"With Jonathan?"

"Yes! At least that's what I think it is!"

"Won't believe it until I see it with my own eyes," he joked, but she could tell he was pleased.

"I like her, and I know Jonathan does too."

"If it makes you this happy, I hope it lasts."

"Me too," she sighed, laying her head on Hop's chest.


	2. The Funeral

_December 1984_

Jonathan Byers didn’t really want to die, but he would have gladly given his life to save his brother, even more so after watching his mom break down at the funeral only a half an hour earlier. Hopper had taken her into his car to calm down. Jonathan didn't trust the man around his mom, but he had to admit he was able to reason with her in a way that he wasn't. If Hopper helped her get through this, he was willing to ignore the thought that the man would never be good enough for her. 

He had never viewed the world as a particularly fair place, but the unfairness of his brother’s fate gnawed at him every second of every day. Will had been an innocent, talented and smart 13-year-old with loyal friends and practically his entire life ahead of him. He may not have been “normal” either, but he had been happy and full of hope, two things Jonathan hadn’t been in a very long time. As his big brother, he had seen it as his duty to protect him from Lonnie’s cruelty, and he liked to think he had succeeded, but what had that amounted to in the end? Nothing. Will and all the hope Jonathan had managed to spare in him had died and would never come back. 

It wasn’t fair that Will had first been taken by the monster, suffered for days and been rescued, only to die because the monster had used him as an incubator. Thinking about the way Will had died still made him want to throw up, and made him even more certain that not telling his mom the entire truth of the events was the right choice. There was no need for her to know, Will was dead and would still be dead whether she knew or not. It was better that she think Will’s death had been quick and painless. The truth was a burden he could carry on his own.

The stories Mike Wheeler had come up with when the boys played Dungeons & Dragons always had happy endings, but that wasn’t how life worked. He’d tried to avoid looking at Mike, Dustin and Lucas during the funeral, but had failed. They had loved Will in their own ways, it had been clear in the photos he’d taken of the four boys over the last year of Will’s life. So many people suffered because Will was dead, and Jonathan couldn’t help but think that his death would’ve been easier for everyone to accept. A child’s death was an immeasurable communal tragedy, but a teen’s death was something that happened every once in a while, even in Hawkins, Indiana. People got into car accidents, especially if they were drunk, fell off cliffs taking part in stupid bets and dares, and sometimes even killed themselves, not that anyone wanted to talk about the people in the last group.

As he stared at his little brother’s freshly dug grave, he only had one thought. _I’m sorry._ He should have protected Will, stopped the monster from taking him for the first time. As much as he hated thinking about it, the truth was that Will’s fate had been determined right at that moment. Nothing he had done after that had made any kind of a difference as far as Will’s destiny went. _Everything had been for nothing._ They had gotten Will back for a while, but those things had been growing inside his body the whole time, causing him pain and hallucinations. He closed his eyes to rid himself of the image of his brother's last moments. It was all too much. 

The light steps behind him alerted him that he wasn't alone anymore. 

“Hey,” she said.

“Hi.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

He shook his head. Nancy was the only one who he could talk to about what had really happened to Will. She had seen it all, just like he had.

“No.”

“Good,” she sighed, taking another step to stand beside him. Their arms brushed lightly, and he fought the urge to lean in, even just a bit. They were friends now, had been for months, although despite his best efforts to bury his feelings, he still selfishly and stupidly wished for more. But she was there now, and that was enough, it had to be enough.

“Are you mad at me? I wouldn’t blame you if you were.”

He turned to face her before shaking his head.

“You did what had to be done, what I should’ve been strong enough to do for Will.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to do it either, if it had been Mike. You’re not weak, Jonathan, and what happened wasn’t your fault,” she replied, her voice quiet by insistent.

It was impossible to think about Nancy or talk to her without thinking about Will too. To him she was the girl who had been willing to risk dying by his side in order to save his brother and destroy the monster who had killed her best friend. She was the girl who had ended his brother’s suffering when he had been a blubbering mess and barely able to hold Will’s hand as he’d looked at Nancy and begged her to do it. She was the girl who had told him not to look when those things had crawled out of his little brother’s lifeless body, the girl who’d thrown away the bloody knife and then crawled to him to make sure his face was buried in her neck when all that happened. She was the girl who hadn’t let him lie down and die in that place, right next to Will, who had kept watch with the shotgun to make sure they got out of there with Will’s body. All those memories hurt, but at the same time he never wanted to forget any of it.

“You think you can read me now, don’t you?” he answered, making a feeble attempt at a joke.

“You’re not nearly as hard to read as you like to think you are, and as your friend I feel obligated to call out your bullshit. You’ve done the same for me.”

“This is different, it was my-“

“Stop it! You did the best you could. You always told me that what happened to Barb wasn't my fault, and now I’m telling you the same thing. It’s not different at all. I won't let you do this to yourself.”

He didn’t know what to say. If he said what he was thinking, it would be something like _"I have no idea what to say to you, Nancy. All I know is that my brother is dead and I don't know what to do, but somehow I feel better when you're around. I'm so tired and scared, please stay with me."_ Obviously he wasn't going to tell her any of that, for multiple reasons. She was with Steve, and he was nothing but a mostly invisible creep who was now even more messed up than before, and he could easily end up being just like Lonnie. Just because she made him feel better didn't mean he had a right to ask anything from her. 

Jonathan turned to stare at the grave again, to try to stop the tears from falling. The deep breath he took must’ve given him away though, because suddenly her hand was in his. No words were needed anymore, not from him or from her. He laced his fingers through hers and sighed. _One day at a time._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter's a big one :) Excited to share it with you all in a few days!


	3. The Right Kind of Quiet

_February 1985_

 

_“You’re going to be okay, Will, I promise. I’ll get you out of here,” said Jonathan, leaning over his brother._

_Will gagged._

_“No, I’m not. I- I don’t want this to last long. Please, Jonathan,” sobbed Will._

_Jonathan shook his head._

_“No. You’re coming home with us,” he replied, his voice weaker and less confident now. Nancy could tell he was starting to realize the truth._

_Will gagged again, and Jonathan turned him to his side._

_“He’s right, Jonathan. We can’t help him,” she said, speaking for the first time in minutes._

_She didn’t get an audible reply, but Jonathan’s shoulders sagged and she saw him nod. This was probably his worst nightmare, but he understood. Slowly he reached for the knife in his pocket and helped Will turn on his back again._

_The way his hands shook told her that he wouldn’t be able to do it. And he shouldn’t have to._

_“Let me do it,” she said, hating the way her own voice shook. She despised every second of this, but it was the only thing they could do for Will._

_At first it didn’t seem like Jonathan had even heard her, but when she placed a hand on top of his, he turned to look at her. She pulled on the knife and he let go._

_“Okay,” he finally choked out._

_His hands didn’t stop shaking, but he managed to take a hold of Will’s hand._

_Will’s eyes were turned towards her._

_“Thank you,” he whispered so softly that she had to lean down to hear the words._

_“You’ve been so brave,” she told the boy, hoping she could keep herself together long enough to do it._

_“Jonathan,” she called out, not wanting to do anything before he was ready._

_He wiped his eyes with his free hand and nodded at her, locking eyes with her for a second. This was it, then._

_Taking a deep breath, she brought the knife underneath Will’s ribs on the left side and pushed with all her strength. She’d never forget the sound the blade made while going in and piercing Will’s heart. The damage she did was too much for his body to handle and he stopped breathing almost instantly, just as she’d hoped. A quick and merciful death._

_She watched in horror as blood pooled on her hands, and lifted her head to look at Will’s face. Only it wasn’t Will’s face anymore, but Jonathan’s. She’d killed Jonathan._

Once again she woke up to the sound of her own terrified screams. The nightmare always started out as a flashback, but usually ended with her killing Jonathan. Sometimes it was Mike’s face she saw instead of Will’s. When that happened, she always had to peek into Mike's room.  _But it’s not real, Nancy. Jonathan and Mike are alive._ That was what she always told herself when she woke up screaming and covered in cold sweat.

She used to have nightmares about Barb’s death and about getting lost in that place alone, but the ones about killing Jonathan had started a few weeks after Will’s death. _After she’d killed him._ He would’ve died anyway, but she had still killed a person, had felt his heart stop beating beneath her palms. Her little brother’s best friend, the only brother of the boy she’d somehow ended up falling for. _Why did her life have to be so messed up?_

When she still felt like she couldn’t breathe a half an hour after waking up, she pulled on a pair of jeans, her coat and shoes and opened her window. It was a stupid idea, but she had to see him.

The dark forest didn’t scare her as much as it used to, because now she was confident that the Demogorgon was no longer there. Eleven would know if it was, and she said it wasn’t. The portal between their world and its had been sealed for good, but that didn’t mean that another portal couldn’t be opened somewhere else in the world in the future, or that it couldn't be open even at this very moment. Nevertheless, right now it was enough for her to know that Hawkins was safe from it.

She hadn't slept in the same bed with Jonathan since that night over a year ago. It was not that the thought had never crossed her mind (it had, more often than she felt comfortable admitting), but asking that from him wouldn't have been normal. And it could've led to problems with Steve at a time when the last thing she wanted was to do was to rock the boat and cause more drama. So she'd reached for the forgotten sweater in the back of her closet, pulled it on and curled up on her bed, imagining she wasn't alone. Now it no longer mattered what Steve thought, but she hadn't been sure if going to Jonathan like this was a good idea. She believed him when he said he wasn't mad at her about Will, that there was nothing to forgive, but yet she'd hesitated, wondering if she'd be intruding on his grief.

The lights in his room were still on, although the curtains were pulled shut. Nancy rapped on the glass as quietly as she could, hoping it wouldn’t take more than that for him to hear her.

The curtains were pulled aside mere seconds later and she saw him sigh in relief at the sight of her. He opened the window and helped her inside.

***

Nancy had been to a place and seen things most people would never see, and done things most people would never do. A little over a year ago she'd had trouble mercy killing a deer, and now she'd done it to a 13-year-old. There was no going back to normal, but now the thought no longer made her panic. Her experiences were a part of her, and that was reality. It was a new reality that still held a future full of opportunities. Those opportunities just weren't all the same ones she'd imagined. She wasn’t exactly sure when she’d finally admitted the truth to herself. That she’d never be the same girl she’d been before Barb had disappeared, and that she hadn’t been that girl ever since.

It may have been in the car with Jonathan when they’d been on their way to save Will and he’d told her what he’d wanted to say to her that night in his house when they’d been waiting for the monster to show up. _“If this ends up being my last night alive, I’m glad I’m with you.”_ It was hardly a confession of love, but it still made her feel more than anything Steve had said to her in the last year. Or it may have been when Jonathan had already stopped the car, was about to get out and she’d grabbed his arm and told him she felt that way too.

Or it may have been the moment she’d driven the blade into Will’s heart. Or it may have been after that when she’d been terrified and covered in blood and slime and brushed off Steve’s arm and instead gone off to fish for Jonathan’s car keys in his pocket to drive him and Will’s body to the hospital and then held his hand until his mom had shown up.

Two days after Will’s funeral she had finally talked to Steve and ended their relationship. He said he’d been expecting it for months, which made her feel awful. She’d wasted his time as well as hers. They’d grown distant because she hadn’t been able to forget what she’d seen and let go of her fear that the Demogorgon was still alive and would come back someday, and Steve hadn’t wanted to hear any of it. _Few people would have._ He’d assured her that it was dead and gone for good and that everything would be normal from now on, but it hadn’t been enough and he hadn’t understood why, despite trying to. Eventually she’d confided in Jonathan, hoping to find someone who wouldn’t dismiss her fears because he couldn’t face his own and who wouldn’t mind if she wasn’t happy or cheery. That was exactly what she’d found in him, and their friendship had finally helped her put some of herself back together, even if the result didn’t resemble the old Nancy all that much.

Nothing had ever happened between her and Jonathan, but she hadn’t been honest with Steve as to how often they hung out. She should have told him at least when she’d found herself preferring Jonathan’s company over Steve’s, but how could she have told him something she couldn’t even properly explain to herself? And she definitely should have told Steve when she'd started hoping Jonathan would say _something,_ anything that could be interpreted as an admission of his feelings for her. For the longest time she hadn't been ready to hear it, but eventually she had been, while he was still determined to keep his feelings to himself.

And then one day Jonathan had told her that he’d seen Will throw up something that looked like a huge black slug and both Eleven and the monster had come back.

Steve had asked her if it was about Jonathan, but she’d denied it. It was mostly true, as it was about _her_ and who she was _._ Yes, she had feelings for Jonathan, but he didn’t know that and it just wasn’t the right time. His brother was dead, technically by her hand. She couldn’t tell Steve if she wasn’t ready to tell Jonathan too.

Now, three months after Will’s death, she was starting to wonder if there would ever be a right time for them.

 

***

That afternoon she rode to the Byers' with Jonathan, which wasn't unusual these days. Will's death had made him more quiet, and although she didn't usually mind the silence between them, she was worried about him. 

"Thanks for letting me sleep in your room last night," she started.

"Did you get any sleep?"

"I did, actually."

"That's good."

"Did you?"

"Yeah, a bit."

"That's really good."

One of the only important things he'd told her recently was that he hadn't really slept properly since the night before Will's death. The night before she'd been scared that he wouldn't get any sleep because he'd positioned himself dangerously close to the edge of his small bed, letting her have a lion's share of the space.

"Maybe we should do it again. You could come to my room, since I have a bigger bed," she argued, hoping to get a smile coaxed out of him. He didn't turn his eyes from the road ahead of them, but she saw his mouth curving into a small smile.

"Sounds good, as long as it doesn't bother you.. Having me there, I mean."

She shook her head.

"It doesn't."

As they reached the Byers' driveway, she spotted an unfamiliar car right in front of the house.

"Do you know whose car that is?" she asked.

Jonathan had stopped the car, but his hands were squeezing the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were white.

"It's probably my dad's," he replied quietly.

"If you don't want to see him, we could go someplace else."

He shook his head.

"No, I need to see what he wants and then make sure he leaves before my mom comes home."

They left the car and walked to the porch. The front door was ajar, but the lock didn't look broken. Jonathan pushed the door open and came face to face with a man who she had only a few hazy memories of. Lonnie Byers.

"Hey there, son," he greeted, approaching Jonathan. 

"How did you get in? What are you even doing here? Is there still some money you think you can get out of Will's death?" he asked, his voice icy. Nancy had never seen him like this before, not even when he'd beat up Steve. None of Jonathan's stories had painted his dad in a good light, but seeing the way he reacted to him woke up her protective instincts. He didn't need her protection, but she wanted to give it anyway.

"I picked the lock. And I'm not here for money this time."

"Then why are you here?"

"To see how you're doing! Whether you believe it or not, I loved Will, he was my son."

"You didn't even come to the funeral."

"Which was a good decision based on your reaction to me now."

"I don't care about your decisions, just get out of here!"

Pretending he hadn't heard Jonathan, Lonnie turned to Nancy, as if now seeing her for the first time.

"Not so fast," murmured Lonnie, a slow grin taking over his face. "Who is this? Your girlfriend?" he asked, now standing so close to her that she could smell the stale liquor on his breath.

"That's none of your business. Get away from her," answered Jonathan, immediately putting himself between her and his father.

"Oh, I should've known. She's just a friend, isn't she? You're a charity case, there's no way you could ever get a girl like that."

"Get. Out." 

With that he opened the door and shoved Lonnie out, slamming the door shut before he could recover from the push.

"I'll be back!" growled Lonnie, banging on the door to make his point.

They watched in silence as he stomped back to his car and drove off, the last action making Jonathan let out a relieved sigh.

"Are you okay?" he asked, turning to her and shoving his hands into his pockets. 

"Yeah, I'm okay. But you're not."

"I'll take you home... I don't think I'm going to be good company today," he replied, pretending he hadn't heard her. _No._ She wasn't about to let him shut her out again.

"Talk to me," she demanded, determined to get more out of him this time.

"You know I'm bad at it," he answered, shaking his head.

"Try it anyway."

 "Right now I feel like... Like I can't breathe in here," he finally said.

She opened the door.

"Let's go outside then."

He walked out of the door and she followed him as he headed for the woods. They'd walked there together dozens of times before, but never like this. She felt as if they were on the verge of something.

Suddenly he started jogging, leaving her behind easily.

"Jonathan, wait!" she yelled, taking up on a run to catch him. That was when the first raindrops started falling. One hit the top of her head and slid down onto her forehead, and another one landed on her cheek. After that they were everywhere.

"Go inside Nancy," he said.

"I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me! I know you don't talk to your mom, so talk to me! If you can't trust me, who else can you trust?" She was practically screaming at him now, and he finally turned to look at her properly for the first time since they'd left the house. 

He seemed to consider her words for a while, and then finally spoke.

"I can't believe he showed up here now! He didn't even come to Will's funeral and then all of a sudden he shows up here and starts asking questions about you, as if he had any right. So yeah, I'm furious. And..."

"And what?" she asked, stepping closer to him now that he'd finally decided to stop fully.

"And I'm scared that in ten years or less I'll be exactly like him. Somebody who just uses and hurts the people that are supposed to mean the most..."

"No, no, no. Look at me," she told him, taking his face between her hands.

"Jonathan, you're nothing like him and you will never be anything like him."

He tried to pry her hands off him, but she held on tightly.

"You can't know that."

"Yeah, I can, because I know you."

He swallowed, no longer trying to push her away. His eyes locked with hers and she felt the same current coursing through her that had been there ever since she'd first asked for his help in finding out what had happened to Barb and they'd touched. The expression speaking of barely repressed anger melted from his face and his lips parted slightly. She eyed his mouth, and realized he was doing the same. _Could this finally be the right moment?_

She may have made the first move but he wasn't far behind.

His lips were cold against hers for a while, but the contact was still enough to warm her entire body. He was tentative at first, but learned fast to replicate her movements and even made her sigh in pleasure when he nipped on her lower lip gently. He was kissing her like he thought it was both their first and last kiss. The rain kept on falling on them, but they were both reluctant to stop.

"We should get inside," he said against her mouth, pulling away from her slightly.

"Yeah, let's go," she replied, offering him her hand. He took it, and together they ran back into the house. 

***

He handed her a shirt and a pair of sweatpants that were sure to be too big for her, but they were dry and warm and _his_.

“I could see if my mom has something else if you want…” he said.

“No, these are fine. They’re yours, and I like that,” she replied, feeling a little bolder. He smiled at her, and she wanted nothing more than to kiss him again.

They ended up lying on his bed on their side, facing each other. She let her palm rest on his cheek until he pulled it off to bring it to his mouth, making her sigh. This was the right kind of quiet.

"What are you thinking?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"I didn't think this would ever happen and now I'm still wondering if this is even real," he said, tracing the scar on her palm.

"Hmmm... Maybe this will help," she quipped, closing the gap between them. 

 

***

Nancy wasn't supposed to fall asleep, but the combination of countless bad nights, the coziness of the room and Jonathan's arms around her lulled her into a peaceful slumber. At some point he must have turned off the lights, because she stirred as the darkness of the room was pierced by a sliver of light from the hallway and someone muffled a gasp. It must have been Jonathan's mom, but she didn't care. _Let them all know._  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah, so this became a bit longer than I originally planned! Hope you enjoyed it anyway :) And fear not, there's still plenty of angst and fluff to come!


	4. First

_March 1985_

Jonathan hadn’t taken a single photo since Will’s death. Yet somehow one morning he picked up his camera before leaving his room and hung it around his neck, as if it wasn’t the first time he’d done it in over four months. After Will’s death, he’d felt like he was living in the middle of a dense cloud of fog. These days he felt as if the fog dissipated a little bit every morning he woke up. Spring had arrived, bringing more light and warmer weather, but that wasn’t the reason. It was the girl who usually wanted to sleep crushed against his chest, who’d wrap her fingers around his bicep at school in front of everyone and who had playfully force-fed him half of the ice cream he’d bought her. He’d even started thinking beyond the next day or the next week. She’d be off the college after the summer, while he wasn’t sure how or even if he could leave his mom and go to New York. He hadn’t asked Nancy where she’d decided to head to, afraid that her answer would make it more real. Yet it was something he'd eventually have to face.

Their time together was looking limited, but he wouldn’t have changed it for the world. They had here and now, and sometimes that was all you had, as Will's short life had taught him. It was more than nothing but less than he wanted. Nevertheless, he’d put her on that plane himself if he had to. She was made for more than Hawkins, something infinitely greater and better, and he wasn’t going to stand in the way of that.

They took a walk after school, and she crouched down every few hundred feet to brush a layer of dead leaves off fresh green sprouts. The sunlight hit Nancy’s face and the patch of ground at her feet in a way that made him think it’d make for a great photo.

“Come on,” she said suddenly.

“What?”

“Take my picture.”

And so he did. The first one had her looking down at the plants with a smile on her face, and the second one had her looking at him, with an entirely different expression. He wanted to let himself believe what he saw, that she could really feel as strongly about him as he did about her.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.

“Like what?”

“Like you have something to say.”

He shook his head but smiled at her nevertheless.

He hadn’t taken any photos of her since the infamous night of the party at Steve’s, and he was okay with that. Her features had been imprinted on his mind in a way he knew wouldn’t fade no matter how much time passed. When Will had still been alive, he'd lain on his bed at night with all the lights on and tried not to think about the Demogorgon crawling out of the ceiling of his home, he'd thought about her. The way she looked, all the things he liked about her, the few moments he’d believed that maybe, _just maybe_ , he wasn’t the only one who thought there was something between them, and all the things he would’ve said to her if he’d known how to and if he’d known she’d want to hear them. It should have made him feel guilty because she was someone else's girlfriend, but they were just his thoughts and as long as they stayed in his head, they couldn’t hurt or upset anyone else but him. Sometimes he’d wanted to sneak out of the house, drive to the Wheelers’ and knock on her window, but he’d smothered that thought by telling himself that it would be weird and that he didn’t and couldn’t need anybody else to get over this, that he could do it alone. It wasn't like he'd even been the Upside Down back then, like Nancy and Will had.

When Nancy had told him about her and Steve’s breakup back in December, he’d genuinely tried to tell her that he was sorry, although he wasn’t. Not really. Eventually he’d given up on trying to lie and simply asked her why they’d ended it. _“I’ve changed too much,”_ she’d replied. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting to hear, but her answer hadn’t changed his conclusion that she felt nothing beyond friendship for him. He had never been so glad to be wrong about anything in his life.

 

***

 

Later they settled on the couch for what was supposed to be a study session, but soon she was climbing into his lap, straddling him. Having craved to be close to her _just like this_ for so long was wreaking havoc with his self-control, but since she seemed to feel the same way, he was beyond trying to control it when they were alone.

She tugged his shirt over his head, while he tried to unbutton her blouse without doing any damage to the garment. He pulled her in for another kiss as her hands reached for his belt.

“Nancy,” he gasped, just before he heard the front door creak open.

Nancy jumped, nearly falling off the couch entirely, but his arms around her hips kept her still. Peering around her, he saw a startled looking Eleven staring at them.

“Hello,” she said, her voice uncertain.

“Hi,” he replied, loosening his hold on Nancy so she could slip down next to him on the couch.

“Weren’t you supposed to be with Mike and the others?” Asked Nancy, hastily trying to redo the buttons on her blouse while Jonathan pulled his shirt back over his head.

Eleven nodded.

“Yeah, I was. But I feel… Sick,” she replied.

Jonathan turned to look at Nancy.

“You should go to bed then, I’ll find the thermometer and bring you something to eat. What would you like?”

“Eggos.”

Both he and Nancy laughed.

“Okay then, Eggos it is!” he declared, rising from the couch to head for the kitchen. They always had Eggos in the house these days.

“Do you want me to make you something?” he asked Nancy, feeling her eyes on him. She had chosen to perch herself on the kitchen counter next to him as he stacked a tray for El.

“No, I’m good. I think it’s great that you take such good care of her.”

“It’s the least I can do,” he replied, turning his back to Nancy to reach for the maple syrup. And it really was. Although at first, he hadn’t been sure that El living with them was a good idea, he’d soon seen that her presence helped his mom. He knew better than to think she was a replacement for Will, not for his mom and definitely not for him, but she hadn’t brought anything but good things into their home.

He jumped a bit when he felt Nancy’s arms wrap around him from the back and her head settle between his shoulder blades.

“You’re good, Jonathan,” she whispered. He knew he should be focusing on El’s food, but he placed the syrup on the counter and turned around to pull Nancy into his arms. His lips landed on hers and her hands found their way back underneath his shirt to caress the bare skin of his chest. Panting, he pulled away.

“Later,” he said, kissing her forehead. She sighed and reached up to peck his cheek before he pulled away completely.

"Can I at least help you with the food?" she asked, smirking at him in a way that made him think her helping him would probably lead to the cooking taking far longer than it should.

"No need, I'll be done in a few minutes."

***

Going into the room that had belonged to Will still wasn’t easy, and usually he avoided it at all costs. Most of his things hadn’t been thrown away, just packed into boxes. Jonathan had decided to store the boxes full of Will’s drawings under his own bed, but he hadn’t felt strong enough to look at them yet. Maybe one day he would. Today he was forced to go into the room that now belonged to El and looked a lot less like a 13-year-old boy’s room than it used to, but he needed to do this, and Nancy’s hand on his back gave him the willpower he needed. He wasn’t alone, at least not for now.

It turned out that El had a temperature of 100.4 and she complained of a sore throat, so he gave her a pain killer, hoping it’d help her rest and bring the fever down.

They stayed with El as she ate, since she didn’t seem to mind the company.

“What were you doing… When I came in?” asked El.

He felt blood rush to his face and looked at Nancy for help. Her face was red, but she was trying to suppress a smile. El knew they were together, but somehow nobody had yet explained to her what it meant when you were older than thirteen.

“When people like each other a lot… Sometimes they want to get really close to that other person because they like them so much, so they take their clothes off,” explained Nancy, her cheeks tinged pink.

El frowned.

“But not people your age!” added Jonathan quickly, not wanting El to think she should do anything like that with Mike. At least not now.

The girl nodded. Jonathan wasn’t sure if she actually understood, but at least the answer seemed to satisfy her, and if someone was going to elaborate on Nancy’s explanation, it sure as hell wouldn’t be him.

***

“Nancy and I will be in my room if you need anything, okay?” He told El, standing at the door until she nodded.

He knew it was ridiculous, but he couldn’t help but think that this was how it had all started with Will too. A simple sickness. The cough he had wasn’t supposed to be dangerous, but a side effect of the toxic air in the Upside Down, kind of like an allergic reaction. They'd all figured that a little cough was a small price to pay if you considered all the things that could’ve happened to him. How wrong they’d been. Maybe if he’d just been more alert, kept a better watch on Will, they would’ve at least had more time to find a cure. The slugs were parasites and there were medications for all kinds of parasites these days. Unfortunately none of them had worked on Will, and they’d never dared to test anything that could’ve killed him too.

“You’re thinking about Will again,” stated Nancy, laying a hand on his arm.

He sighed.

“Yeah. It’s hard not to.”

“I know… But El’s going to be fine, it’s just a cold. Mike was sick last week, she probably got it from him.”

Jonathan nodded.

“I just can’t help but wish that I’d found out about Will sooner, maybe there’s a cure somewhere that we just failed to find. I never want that to happen again, to anyone.”

“There could be a cure in the Upside Down, but there was no safe or fast way to find it. You did all you could for Will, and now you’re doing all you can for El,” she replied softly, leaning on the wall of the hallway.

“Will it ever be enough?” he asked quietly, not really expecting her to answer that.

“Yes. It’s enough for your mom, and for me. She loves you, and I love you,” she said, the last words coming out soft, as if she wasn't sure she should be saying them.

He played the words over and over in his head, trying to process them. No matter how out of control his thoughts sometimes spiraled, Nancy always seemed to know how to reach him. He knew he’d never be able to find the right words to tell her how much she meant to him, but at least this could be a start.

He leaned into her, resting his forehead against hers.

“I love you too. So much,” he replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, I've been sick for the past few days!


	5. Alight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahoy!
> 
> There's going to be a time jump after this chapter, I'll try to update once more before Christmas.

_April 1985_

Nancy did fine on most days, and recently her nights had been better too. However, when the panic and terror hit her, they were nearly strong enough to incapacitate her, and naturally they attacked her at the worst possible moments. Tonight, her parents had driven to Indianapolis and left her in charge of Mike’s entire gang and Holly, while Jonathan was at work.

She’d tried listening to the boys and El play, and allowed Holly to try to distract her with a makeover, but none of it had helped. Every single light in the house was now alight because she couldn’t bear the thought of a single dark room anywhere near her. Going to the bathroom and seeing the sink reminded her that Will had puked slugs into that same drain for months while he’d been visiting. Could they still be there? Closing her eyes, she reminded herself that the slugs she and Jonathan had trapped had died within a day or two. They couldn’t survive outside their host in their world for too long. Someday everyone she loved would be just as dead as Barb and Will were. Her parents, Mike and Holly, and Jonathan. But not like that, she reminded herself. None of them would die like Barb and Will had, she'd do everything in her power to make sure of that.

Nancy looked down at her hands and once more they were covered with Will's blood. She closed her eyes again, trying not to hyperventilate. _This isn't real, Nancy, get a grip. You can do this._ Taking deep breaths, the invisible force crushing her lungs eventually let up enough for her to open her eyes. There was no blood on her hands anymore.

She knew she could get herself to calm down if she had some time to herself, but with Holly that was close to impossible. Her little sister should’ve been asleep over an hour ago, but she was still stubbornly sitting at the dining room table and refusing to eat her apple slices because Nancy had accidentally left a piece of the skin on one of them. She could just take Holly and force her to bed, but then she’d wake up hungry in the middle of the night and Nancy would have to peel another apple.

Sighing, she stood up and went to the basement door.

“Guys, would you mind coming here for a while?” she asked.

It was her brother who answered her.

“Why?”

“Because I want to take a shower and someone needs to watch Holly while she eats.”

Mike groaned in return, but soon she heard four sets of footsteps climbing the stairs.

“Thank you,” she told them as they emerged from the basement, forcing out a smile. Maybe some time alone would help her push the panic back.

“Are you okay?” asked Mike, frowning at her. It was only then that she realized she had wrapped her arms around herself, like she often did when feeling anxious.

She nodded.

“Yeah. I just need a shower.”

It wasn’t the right time to tell Mike everything. Her brother hadn't seen Will die, but despite her best efforts to make sure the boys and El saw nothing, they had seen Will's body, lying limp in Jonathan's arms. The silence had been deafening, until she'd broken it and told El that it was time to seal the portal for good. The girl had set to work and she'd pulled Jonathan away, telling Steve to drive the kids to the hospital when they were done. A few weeks after Will's death, Mike had come into her room at night, to ask how his best friend had died, and if he'd suffered. She hadn't been able to tell him the whole truth then, but now she was starting to think he deserved to know.

As she started towards the bathroom, Holly began screaming for her, and nothing El of the boys did seemed to calm her down. Sighing, she stopped in the middle of the staircase to listen.

"Do you guys have any cereal? Or pudding? I bet she'd eat that!" suggested Dustin.

"Yeah, and then she won't sleep and if she doesn't sleep, then none of us will." replied Mike.

Holly's cries continued without interruption.

“Nancy!” called Mike.

Groaning aloud, she reluctantly strode back into the dining room. _No shower then._

“Holly, it’s fine, I’m here now. I’m sorry I left,” she said to her sister, picking her up. Her cries soon subsided and turned into a tired hiccup.

“Can we go now?” asked Mike.

“Sure.”

Nancy kept on trying to feed Holly, but to no avail. Just as she was about to give up and put her sister to bed with an empty stomach, the doorbell rang. _Finally._

"Who's that?" asked Holly as Nancy went to answer the door.

"It's Jonathan," she replied.

"Hey," he said as she opened the door for him.

She pulled him inside and practically threw herself into his arms.

"Bad night?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her.

"Yeah. I'm glad you're here," she answered, receiving a kiss from him in return.

They parted and he went over to Holly.

"Hi Holly," he greeted.

"Hi," replied the girl, staring down into her lap while speaking. Nancy chuckled. Holly liked Jonathan, so much that she suspected that she wasn't the only woman in the house with a thing for him. Maybe she could use this to her advantage and finally get to take that shower.

"Would you mind staying with her while I take a shower? I just really need some time to myself," she said. He turned to face her, a look of concern and understanding taking over.

"Of course. Take as long as you need, I’m not going anywhere."

She couldn't resist embracing him once more before heading upstairs.

***

A half an hour later she was finished with her shower and had managed to get her anxiety under control, at least somewhat. Jonathan being in the house calmed her too. When she returned downstairs, she found the dining room empty, but Jonathan's voice was coming from the living room.

As she stood at the doorway, she found her boyfriend and little sister sitting on the couch. Holly's little head was tucked against his side and a book was open on his lap. It was one of the sweetest things she had ever seen. Jonathan wasn't good with other people in general, but kids were an exception to the rule.

"Did you eat, Holly?" she asked quietly.

Holly nodded.

"We shared," added Jonathan.

"That's good."

"Are you ready for bed?" he asked Holly, who replied by nodding and rubbing her eyes. "I can put her to bed," he offered, standing up with Holly in his arms.

"I'll come too."

They placed Holly in her own bed, Nancy making sure she had her favorite stuffed dog right next to her. Her sister was out like a light, and not a moment too soon.

As Jonathan turned off the lights in Holly's room and shut the door after them, his eyes finally took in the fact that all the lights save for the ones he'd just turned off were on.

"Do you want to leave all the lights on?" he asked, and she knew he wouldn't say anything if she said yes. But she was feeling better now, and shook her head.

"We can switch them off. I'm feeling better," she said.

Together they turned off the lights in the house and Nancy banged on the basement door to tell the kids to go to bed. Not that they'd listen to her, but at least she'd tried.

Jonathan was standing shirtless at her desk when she came back to her room, his black t-shirt slung over his shoulder and his eyes on the Columbia brochures on her desk.

"You're going to Columbia?" he asked. Nancy knew they should have talked about this earlier, but everything had been a blur since November.

"Yeah, I am. And you're going to NYU."

"I- I don't know." The bottom of her stomach nearly fell out. She’d figured he might hesitate leaving after Will’s death, but to actually stay in Hawkins?

"You got in," she said, the words nearly catching in her throat.

"I did, but... That was before everything that went down with Will, things are different now. How can I just leave, Nancy?  My mom, she just lost Will. How can I leave her so soon?"

"Your mom's strong, you know that. You're not abandoning her, and she's not alone, she's got Hopper and El here. You need to live your own life."

His loyalty towards his mom was one of the reasons she loved him, but she'd witnessed the recent change in Joyce. Maybe a few months ago, she'd have doubted it, but now she knew Joyce would survive Jonathan's absence. If only he could see it too.

"It just doesn't feel right to leave her now."

"But you still want to go?"

He nodded.

"Yeah. I mean, it's what I've wanted since I was a kid and now knowing..."

"Knowing what?"

"That maybe we could still be together, see each other often."

She smiled. He wasn't the reason she'd chosen Columbia all those months ago, but she was glad she had. Maybe a part of her had wished for this even back then. Being physically separated by hundreds or thousands of miles because of college often ended in broken hearts, and she just wasn't willing to let that happen to her and Jonathan. Not when things had just started between them and it was beginning to look like they could piece their lives together again.

"I'd like that."

"Me too."

"Then it's settled. You're going to New York. With me. And your mom's going to be fine."

"It's not that simple."

"It actually is in this case," she replied.

He opened his mouth to reply, but she was done talking for the night and placed a finger on his lips before replacing it with her mouth. They could talk about this another time.

She wrapped an arm around his back and let the other one wander to the nape of his neck and the short hair there, knowing how much he liked it when she caressed him there. Sure enough, he sighed into her mouth and pulled her closer. Slowly she began to walk him towards her bed, and then gently pushed him onto the mattress before climbing on top of him. Suddenly he flipped them over, pinning her underneath him. She grinned against his neck, arching her lower body off the bed to make him groan. They'd gone this far before, but she had no plans of stopping this time. No parents to be afraid of, the boys and El were too far to hear anything and Holly was sound asleep. His warm hands roamed her sides underneath her top, and he met her eyes before pulling it over her head. He had seen her like this before, but still the same look of awe appeared on his face, and she hoped he'd never stop looking at her like that. Like she was his whole world.

As he lowered his head to her chest, she took the opportunity to unbutton his jeans, eliciting a moan from him. She was just about to slip a hand into his boxers, but he reached down and gently took her hands into his, pinning them against the bed.

"I can't focus if you do that, and I want to make this good for you," he panted, his eyes meeting hers.

"Later, then?”

"Yeah," he replied, before lowering his head again, this time closing his lips around a nipple.

The heat pooling in her lower belly intensified as his eyes met hers. When he finally released her hands, she immediately dug one into his hair, keeping him still. His hands began wandering downward, stopping at the waistband of her pajama bottoms, as if asking for permission.

"Yeah" she murmured, lifting her hips to help him.

This was as far as they'd gone before, except that he still needed to lose the jeans.

"You're overdressed," she said, and this time he didn't try to stop her when she tugged the jeans down his hips. Now they were even, for the most part.

"I don't want to stop," she admitted.

"Me neither, but I don't have any-"

"I do. They're in my bag."

He reached over and picked up her bag. She fished out the condoms she'd had in there for weeks, just in case.

She slipped out of her panties while he pulled his boxers down. Her eyes roamed over his body before opening her arms to him.

"Come here," she said.

He settled himself between her legs, one of his hands entwining with hers. She couldn't help noticing that he was shaking.

"Is everything okay? We don't have to-"

"No, no, I really want to. It's just the nerves," he answered, flashing her an uncertain smile.

"I love you," she said, guiding him into her.

At first, he was overly gentle and careful with her, his movements unsure and awkward, but he caught on fast, and she learned quickly that he liked pretty much everything she did, her name coming out of his mouth in gasps and moans.

***

The silence between them afterward was comforting, her head resting on his chest and his hand buried in her hair, stroking her neck lovingly.

After losing Barb she'd used sex with Steve as a distraction, hoping it would take her mind off and numb the bad memories and disturbing thoughts. In the end, she had found no relief in it. On the contrary, it had left her feeling empty and lonelier than ever. They may have been physically close, but the mental barrier between them had been insurmountable. Jonathan warmed her all the way down to her narrow, leaving her pleasantly drowsy as well as hungry for more.

"So... Baby?” she asked, breaking the silence.

"I won't call you that again if you don't want me to," he said, uncertain if she was joking.

"No, I actually kind of like it."

"Kind of?"

"Okay, I like it. It's cute."

She watched as his lips curved into a sheepish smile at her reply.

"I was thinking I could stay here tonight, have breakfast with you in the morning" he said, pulling the covers over them both.

"Sure, if you want to." Mike and his friends wouldn't rat them out, and maybe she could find a way to bribe Holly into keeping it quiet too. Jonathan not being allowed to stay with her was ridiculous anyway; she wasn't a child and as if you couldn't have sex in broad daylight too.

She turned to her side and he pulled her against his chest, burying his head in her hair with a content sigh. 

"Goodnight," she said, reaching for the hand resting on her belly.

"Goodnight," he answered, squeezing her hand in return.

 


	6. Moving On

_April 1987_

_The sun was barely up that Sunday morning when Jonathan heard Will get up. He’d been up all night, waiting for something to happen, not really knowing exactly what. Will moved quietly and if Jonathan hadn’t been in the next room and already awake, he would’ve missed the creak of his brother’s door opening and the soft sounds of his steps. He stayed in his own room until he heard the back door close after Will._

_This wasn’t the first time Will had wandered off somewhere early in the morning, but this time Jonathan would follow him and find out where he was going. Moving quietly in the woods was much less difficult for Will than for him, so he had to keep a decent distance between them. Where could Will be going that he couldn’t tell Jonathan about?_

_Finally he saw Will disappear behind what looked like a boulder, but as he got closer, he realized it was the entrance of a cave. The opening was narrow and he had to squeeze his way in, hoping Will wouldn’t see or hear him coming just yet. When he straightened his back and looked around the cave, he could swear his heart stopped beating for a second or two. In addition to the entrance letting in light into the cave, there was a pulsing blob of light in the back wall. It was a portal to the Upside Down, just like the one he’d pulled Nancy out of about a year ago._

_Will was nowhere to be seen, so he must’ve gone in through the portal. But why?  Should he go in too? Would he find Will or would he get lost like Nancy had? Should he yell for Will like he had for Nancy? Would he answer? Or should he go get help? He had nothing on him, nothing to protect Will and himself from the monster, or anything else in that place. His heart pounding hard in his chest, he yelled for Will, hoping to get an answer, but there was nothing. He yelled again, even louder this time. Nancy had heard him, so maybe Will did too, if he was close enough. Even if he’d heard him calling, he wasn’t answering, which meant that either Will had already been caught by the monster or he didn’t want to answer him. He chose to believe it was the latter, although he hated thinking that. Recently it had become clear enough to him that there were things Will, his 13-year-old little brother, wanted to protect him from. It wasn't the way things were supposed to be, not at all._

_Cursing himself, Jonathan made a decision and ran out of the cave. He’d come back as soon as he could with weapons and backup._

***

 _Too late. He'd been too late._ The rational part of him knew that going in there wouldn't have saved Will, but it didn't matter to his subconscious. After dreams like this one he usually couldn’t go back to sleep, but instead stayed in his bed, staring at the ceiling of the dorm room. It wasn’t even 4 AM, so it wasn’t like he could go to the library. Going to see Nancy was what he always wanted to do on nights like this, but he had a class starting at 8 AM, and it’d take forever for him to get there at this hour. There was no sense in leaving, so he stayed, listening to his roommate Derek’s snoring. Not for the first time, he found himself wishing he had a place of his own.

It wasn’t only because of the dreams and flashbacks that left him feeling worthless and anxious. Jonathan still wasn’t used to walking in on his roommate with a girl, although it had happened at least two dozen times in the last 18 months. The most recent encounter had taken place the day before, but it never got any less awkward for him. It had been another new girl this time around, but that wasn't unusual. Derek had probably slept with more girls than Jonathan had ever talked to. Not that he was jealous, after all he still had the only girl he'd ever wanted, but he was getting sick of dorm-living.

Jonathan hated how his photos usually ended up having footprints or soda on them every time he made the mistake of laying them out on the floor. Derek wasn't really mean to him, he just didn't care if he made Jonathan's life more difficult. Two guys from his photography classes had somehow been placed in the same dorm room, so they never had this problem. He hated how jealous he was of their good luck. 

His need for privacy, peace and quiet could rarely be found in their room, so he stayed in the university's darkroom, the library or with Nancy most of the time. He didn't want her visiting him in his dorm anymore, as the way Derek's eyes roamed over her made him sick. She'd never cheat on him, but Jonathan hated thinking that his roommate fantasized about the same girl as he.

Nancy didn't have the same issues he did, she'd even become friends with her roommate, and he didn't think she had any plans of finding another place to live anytime soon. Not that he didn't like the idea. Just Nancy and him in their own place, with no roommates, restrictions, or noisy classmates next door, no more dragging the phone to the toilet just to be able to talk to her or his mom in peace.

He looked over the apartment ads in the paper every week and circled the small studios located in somewhat decent areas as far as transportation went. Nevertheless, at the end of the day he could dream as much as he wanted, but it wouldn't make the apartments any more affordable. He'd have to drop all his classes and work full-time at the small grocery store down the street if he wanted to get out of the dorm. A part of him actually considered it, for the sake of his sanity.

 ***

Jonathan didn't get a chance to talk to Nancy until that night.

"Hi," he sighed into the phone.

"Hey. What's wrong?"

"Nothing... Nothing new, I mean."

"You could still come here, Jonathan, spend the night. Beth wouldn't mind."

"I want to, but I've got to turn in my portfolio in the morning..." He heard Nancy sigh and wondered if maybe he should try to bring up the idea of moving in together with her after all.

"But you'll still be here on Sunday, right?" She asked.

"Yeah, definitely. I miss you."

"I miss you too."

They sat in silence for a while. Sometimes it was enough to know that the other was there, just listening, whether anything was being said or not didn't matter.

"I had the worst day today," she suddenly admitted, breaking the silence.

"What happened?"

"I left my keys in our room this morning and Beth was already out, which made me late for class. And of course there was a quiz this time. Then I ended up having to assist Professor Landis at the lab while he and some of the doctoral students opened a bear carcass. I guess I did learn something new, but still... I'm really glad biology's just my minor," she finished, snorting after the last words.

Jonathan chuckled, wishing he was there with her. Nancy found it easy to laugh at herself, and he wished he possessed the same skill.

***

Sunday morning arrived at last, and he was awake and ready to leave a half an hour too early. Nancy was still in her pajamas when she let him in.

"You're early," she said, leaning in for a kiss.

"I know, but I brought breakfast. Does that make up for it?"

"That depends on what you brought me. Well, Beth's already gone. I'll take a shower and then we'll see about that breakfast."

He set the paper bags full of bagels and muffins on her table, careful not to place them on top of her textbooks. Chemistry and biology. Both topics he'd never been all that interested in, but Nancy took her studies seriously, and he'd actually learned new things too through her.

While Nancy showered, he dug out the morning’s paper from his bag and began sifting through the apartments ads again, circling the interesting ones. He was so focused on the task that he didn't notice Nancy sneaking up on him until she had wrapped her arms around his neck and water was dripping onto his paper from her wet hair.

"What are those?" she asked, her chin landing on his shoulder.

"Apartments."

"You're moving?"

He shrugged.

"No, not really. I'd like to, but I can't afford any of these unless I work full time."

"Let me see."

She took the paper from him, her eyes scanning the ads he'd just marked.

"Jonathan... We could afford a place like this together. Why didn't you tell me you were thinking about moving?"

"You like it here with Beth."

"Yeah, but us getting a place together, that's different!"

"I didn't want to pressure you into anything." It was the truth, or at least a part of it. He’d also been afraid that she’d say no. Somehow, even after more than two years together, a part of him was still uncertain what she saw in him and why she was wasting her time with him. He’d met some of the guys in her class, listened to them talk about things he’d never know much about.

She rolled her eyes at him.

"You could've asked me about it. You should know by now that I don't do things I don't want to."

He sighed.

"You're right, I'm sorry."

"I think we should do it. Move in together."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's more convenient than meeting like this all the time, and we'd have our own space. You don't have a lot of stuff, so we should be able to fit everything in a studio. It's a good idea, really."

He let her words sink in for a few seconds before reaching for her. They were going to live together, and it was one of the best realizations he’d ever had.

"I love you," he murmured against her neck, licking off the droplets of water on her skin.

"I love you," she whispered in return, her fingers sinking into his hair.

The fresh scent of her shampoo and soap drove him insane, and before he knew it, his hands were on the knot of her towel. _Jesus, please let us have enough time for this._

“We have time, Beth’s not coming back until the afternoon,” she said, pulling him down with her as he threw her towel on the floor.

Lifting her bare legs on his shoulders, Jonathan settled between them. He shifted to look at her and saw that she was biting her lower lip in anticipation. He couldn’t help smirking before kissing the insides of her thighs. Nancy always enjoyed this, and he liked to think he was pretty good at it these days. The best part of it was holding her trembling body against his afterward, knowing he’d made her feel good.

“Stop teasing me,” she gasped, pulling on his hair slightly.

He chuckled against her soft skin, pulling some of it into his mouth before biting down gently. It’d leave a mark, but he knew she didn’t mind as long as it wasn’t where everyone could see it.

***

"I think I was promised breakfast,” she said later, still sprawled on his chest. Jonathan's stomach chose that exact moment to grumble. 

"Hold on," he replied, reaching over to grab one of the bags on the desk. 

"Mmmm... Bagels and orange juice. Good job... Will you make me breakfast when we've moved in together?”

"Of course."

"Every day?"

"I’ll try."

"I'll hold you to that," she joked. 

He wouldn't mind cooking breakfast for her for the rest of his life.

***

The afternoon was sunny and warm, so they bought sandwiches and settled onto the grass in Central Park, Jonathan leaning against a large oak tree with Nancy's head in his lap. His camera hung around his neck, and every once in a while he'd take a photo. Most of them were of Nancy and the happy smile on her face, her hair spread around her head like a halo. The rest of them were of regular New York park goers; a young man walking his Labrador, an elderly couple on their Sunday walk. The couple sat down on a nearby bench, holding hands, and Jonathan allowed himself the wish that Nancy and he would be just like that 60 years from now.

It was on days like this that he felt as if all those things had happened to someone else instead of the two of them. It all seemed so far away. Will's death. Barb's death. The Upside Down. The Demogorgon. The government hiding everything. And yet somehow all that had happened to them.

Nancy kept a folder on the Demogorgon and its home, where she'd included all the things she'd learned since starting college, as well as her theories. She let him read it, but he hadn't understood half of it. Maybe it was enough that she did. Just in case. While he'd been looking at the apartment ads in the papers, he'd also been looking for signs. He hadn't been able to determine what it was that he was looking for, but he was sure he'd know it once he saw it. Strange events, signs that it was back in their world. It would come back one day, he knew as much, and this time he'd be braver than ever, braver than he'd been for Will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this installment :) There may possibly be some monster hunting in the next chapter... I'm also working on two Jancy oneshots, so look for them within the next few weeks!


	7. The Great Unknown

_July, 1988_

What could you do when your boyfriend had built a wall around himself and shut you out and you'd done everything in your power to tear it down? What did you do when he still wouldn't come home until late at night, reeking of weed? What did you do when he'd stay in bed all day and skip all his classes more than once a week?

You said _'enough'_. You did what you had to. You left. She knew it was for the best, and yet she hated it. Nancy still loved Jonathan, despite it all, but she couldn't save him from himself, nobody could. She knew that his guilt over Will and the loss in general were eating him up from the inside, but how could she help him when he continuously refused to talk to her? Sure, he'd always been reluctant to talk about his own feelings, because he seemed to think they weren't important, but now it was driving them apart. She also had to wonder if maybe, deep down, he blamed her for Will's death after all. It could be subconscious. If that was the reason he'd distanced himself from her, how could they have a future together?

Nancy still woke-up every now and then in the middle of the night in an empty bed, once again thinking she'd killed Jonathan. He wasn't physically there most of the time, and even when he was right there, he seemed a million miles, or possibly a dimension, away.

This time around Jonathan hadn’t come home all night, and she was furious as well as worried sick. Nancy was tired of waiting around, and lying in bed, waiting to hear his key in the lock and his steps in their small apartment. She was going to wait until he came home, and then she’d go. Her bags were already packed, and she could come and get the rest of her things another day, when he wasn’t home.

They’d moved in a little over a year ago, and until three months ago, everything had been fine for the most part. Sure, they’d had their arguments over the lack of space, especially when Jonathan spread out two hundred photos on their floor, and she tried her best not to step on them, but life had still been good. They'd both studied and worked, but at the end of the day they'd been happy to come home and find the other one there. Company, understanding and peace were the things she'd grown to associate with their home. Even the fights hadn't been that serious; Jonathan's frustration over her accidentally spilling orange juice on his newest photos because they'd been on the damned kitchen counter had turned into some very hot minutes with her sitting on said kitchen counter. 

Over time something had changed; he’d began drifting away. At first, she’d wanted to think it was a temporary bout of depression and grief that he was fully entitled to, but he’d never opened up to her, and he hadn’t come back from that funk. The distance between them also made her insecure. She didn’t want to believe he could ever cheat on her, but how could she know that, when things were the way they were now?

Finally, the door opened and Jonathan came in, throwing his bag on the floor. His hair was mussed and the black circles under his eyes were darker than she’d ever seen them. _Had he slept at all?_

“Nancy…” he said, seeing her bags.

“I’m- I’m leaving,” she replied, smothering all the questions she wanted to ask him. _Where have you been? Have you slept? Have you eaten? Are you okay?_

He stood there, watching her, looking like he didn’t know what to say. _This is for the best._

The phone rang as she was about to turn the doorknob. They both stared at it, not really wanting to pick up. Eventually the voicemail activated.

_You've reached Nancy and Jonathan. We can't come to the phone right now, but please leave a message and we'll get back to you!_

"Nancy! Jonathan! Pick up, you guys! The Demogorgon's back!" Mike's voice sounded both excited and terrified.

"How do you know that?" asked Nancy, picking up the receiver.

"Dustin's cousin has been missing since Thursday night. She was on her way home from softball practice, but she never got there."

"How do you know it was the Demogorgon?" Mike hesitated before answering.

"Look, we need to get there before we can have any solid evidence, but she's the right age and she disappeared like Will did."

"Thats' not a lot to go on, Mike... Where does she live?"

"Newtown, Ohio. It's not a big place, and it's not _that_ far from Hawkins."

"Have you told the Chief about this?"

"No, because we can't prove anything. But we're going there, with or without you guys. Are you in?"

She looked at Jonathan. _Going to Ohio?_ She mouthed. He nodded.

"We're in."

"Great! When you get there, call Dustin's aunt and uncle's number, we'll be there." Nancy scribbled the number down on a piece of paper and returned the phone to its cradle.

"Let's go then," said Jonathan.

He still had a car, although it was only used for longer drives.

She wasn't sure if Jonathan should be driving at all, but picking a fight over it seemed stupid, so instead she offered to drive for half of the way, which he agreed to. There wasn't much talking during the drive, and she had no idea what was going through his head. What she did notice was that he kept on stealing glances at her when she wasn't looking, and she did the same to him.

They'd crossed into Pennsylvania a few hours before he finally spoke.

"Look, I know this isn't the right time, but can we talk about this... Us, I mean, once this is over?"

"I don't think there's anything to talk about. I really don't want to argue while we're in this trip, so let's just let it go until we're on our way back, okay? If you have something you want to tell me, you can say it then."

He took a deep breath.

"Okay."

_Now he wanted to talk?_

They got to Newtown that night, and she called Dustin's aunt and uncle's place from a motel. Apparently half of Dustin's extended family had shown up to support his aunt and uncle, so there was no space for the boys and El to sleep over. They agreed to take rooms at the motel and start the search in the morning. Rosie, Dustin's cousin, had only been missing for a little over two days, so the forest where she'd disappeared was still swarming with cops and volunteers. Better to wait until morning.

Mike gave her a look when she announced that she'd be sharing her room with El, but said nothing. Jonathan shared with Mike, and Lucas with Dustin. 

***

The morning was cloudy but warm, and after breakfast they were ready to start their work by 9 AM. They drove to the edge of the woods, but decided to leave as there were still three police cars parked there. Nancy cursed in her head. They'd have to wait. 

"We should go and get some weapons first," said Lucas.

"We don't even know for sure if that thing took her. This could be a kidnapping or an accident," replied Nancy.

"So you're not getting any stuff until we find something?" 

"Well, we've got bats and knives anyway. I guess we don't need more than that for now," said Dustin, shrugging.

"Yeah, no sense in wasting time and money unless we know for sure. We need to find something. A portal-"

"Or the monster itself!" said Mike, interrupting Jonathan.

"Let's hope it doesn't get to that. Just don't get hurt," she told the boys and El. They were 17 now, but she still had trouble seeing them as anything but her little brother and his friends.

"Maybe we should get an animal carcass, to lure it," suggested Dustin.

"Where are we going to get an animal carcass?" asked Lucas.

"We should split up, as soon as we can get in there" suggested Mike.

"Yeah. I'll go with Dustin, you take El and Nancy goes with Jonathan."

She didn't have any objections to that. Jonathan was still the person she trusted the most. She felt a little uncomfortable without a loaded weapon in her hands, but it was still very possible that they were wasting their time searching the woods anyway. And Dustin had given Jonathan a bat, so at least that was something.

The wait ended up lasting until 4 PM, when the police finally left. She hoped they'd concluded the girl wasn't in the forest. They pulled in as soon as the last police car was out of sight, and split up as planned.

They found nothing. No weird tracks, no portal, absolutely nothing. They'd agreed to reconvene after an hour of searching, and as she looked at her watch, she saw it was time to head back.

"We should-" that was as far as she got until a scream pierced the warm late afternoon air.

Instinctively, she grabbed Jonathan's arm. "What was that?" he asked.

"I don't know."

The screams stopped and soon they heard other voices. It must be the others, and they were pretty close by.

"Come on," she muttered, forcing herself to let go of him.

They found Mike, El and Lucas standing over a hole in the ground.

"What's going on? Who screamed?"

"It was Dustin. We on our way back to the car, when suddenly the ground gave in. He's down there," replied Lucas, pointing into the hole.

"Do we have any rope?" asked Mike.

"I have some in the car," said Jonathan.

"Wait, Jonathan. I can help Dustin."

"El, you should save your strength. We can handle this, and your powers may be needed later.”

"Guys!  Shut up for a second! It's in here, I found it!"

"You found what?"

"The portal!"

Now they were all leaning over the edge of the hole to see what Dustin was taking about, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Dustin, where are you? We can't see you!"

"I'm in here! Look, this hole's much bigger than it looks like.

"I'll get the rope," murmured Jonathan. Nancy swallowed. So the Upside Down was back again. There was a portal.

"Wait, I'm coming with you!" she called out to Jonathan, jogging after him.

"You don't have to come."

"It's not safe here, now that we know it's somewhere in here."

"Should we get the weapons now?"

"Yeah, let's take the rope back to the others and then go for the weapons."

"You know they might go in without us if we did that."

She hesitated. He was right.

"Okay, let's get them now and then go back with everything."

They bought bear traps and ammo for the gun, as well as gas and more knives.

"It's weird that despite all this stuff, El's still our most effective weapon," she said as they were packing their haul.

"Yeah, it is. I hope we won't need her."

"Me too."

***

“What took you guys so long?” asked Mike, when they finally got back with all the gear.

“We got bear traps, gas and ammo.”

“What are we waiting for, then? Let’s get down there!”

Lucas helped Jonathan tie the rope around a large tree, while Nancy loaded the gun, sticking the rest of the bullets into her pocket. She also gave El a knife, although she wasn’t sure if it made much of a difference with the girl’s powers.

Mike and El climbed down the rope first, followed by Lucas. Jonathan was the last one to land in the hole.

“Great, we’re all here! Let’s go and find Rosie,” said Dustin.

Mike was about to go through the portal first, but Nancy placed a hand on her brother’s shoulder, stopping him.

“You’ve never actually been there, Mike. Let us go in first.”

Mike rolled his eyes at her.

“We’re older than you were when you first went in there!” he said.

“I’m not in the mood for arguing. I’m not saying you need to stay here, just let us go in first,” she continued, not letting Mike get to her.

Finally, he relented.

“Fine. We’ll be right behind you.”

Nancy went in first, shivering as she felt the slimy tendrils touch her skin again. She pushed through and stood up, wrapping her arms around herself. _It’s nothing but slime._ But now she was back in the place where Barb had died, and where she'd felt the life escape the eyes of Will Byers. And they were on the monster's turf, this was its element and they were the strangers, the invaders. They were at a disadvantage.

Jonathan’s hand came to rest on her shoulder.

“You okay? You can have my jacket if you want it,” he said.

Before she could protest, he’d already removed the denim jacket and placed it on her shoulders, his hands lingering. Once again, hesitant and questioning. They hadn't been this distant since... Well, since after Will's initial return. What if they both died tonight, or if only one of them made it back? 

Without a word, she turned around and hugged him tightly, so he'd know. He clung to her, tugging on a strand of her hair gently. 

“Look, Nancy… If things get bad… I mean _really_ bad… I want you to do to me what you did to Will,” he said.

“Are you insane- “

“What does he mean? What did you do to Will?” Mike had come through the portal and was now standing right behind them. _Oh, God._ This was not the way she was going to tell him.

“Mike, we’ve got to find Dustin’s cousin. I’ll explain it to you later,” she said, trying to stay calm. Would Mike hate her?

“I’m going to make sure you keep that promise,” muttered her brother.

When Lucas, Dustin and El had joined them, they decided against splitting up and instead walked into the same direction. Nancy and Jonathan walked behind the others, setting up the traps and dousing the path in gasoline as they went. It was important to ensure they had enough traps on their escape route.

"Rosie, are you here? It's Dustin! We're here to help you!"

"Rosie! Don't be scared, we'll take you home!"

"Do you guys think we should tone down on the yelling? You know, in case that thing's somewhere close by," suggested Lucas, his eyes scanning their surroundings.

He probably had a point, but somehow Nancy was sure the monster wasn't anywhere near them. What she hoped was that it wasn't in their world, because even after years of extracurricular research she still wasn't sure if they could overpower it without El. Other than the sounds of their calls for Rosie, the place was quiet. Almost too quiet. Then she heard something.

"Shhh! I heard something!"

"What? Where?"

"Listen!"

They all listened, and there it was: a whimper.

"Rosie?" Dustin called out carefully.

They heard more whimpering, and then a single, weak word: _"Help."_

"Rosie, where are you?"

"I think it's coming from that way, from the direction of that pile of sticks. Will... He hid in this world's version of Castle Byers," said Jonathan. The boys nodded, and Dustin started towards the pile that could be a makeshift shelter.

Dustin and Mike sifted through the pile carefully, and suddenly yelped in surprise.

"We found her!" yelled Mike.

The boys pulled Rosie from the pile and carried her to the path.

The girl was so pale she looked like a ghost, and she was trembling. Nancy sat down next to her and pulled off Jonathan's jacket, wrapping it around her. They should've brought a blanket with them.

"Hi Rosie, I'm Nancy. How are you? Are you hurt?" she asked.

Rosie shook her head.

"Cold... Hungry," she whispered, her voice so weak Nancy had trouble hearing her.

"Okay, we'll get you to a hospital. Hang on."

Dustin and Lucas took charge of carrying Rosie while Mike and El walked in front of them, making sure they had enough light and they didn’t step into the traps, which left Jonathan and Nancy to bring up the rear. She still couldn’t see or hear anything that was out of the ordinary for this place, so she kept on jogging, making sure to jump over the bear traps.

“What are you doing?” she asked, as Jonathan stopped and now had his knife pressed against his palm.

“We need to be sure we’re sealing the monster in here, instead of in our world,” he said calmly. As much as she hated it, he had a point.

Nancy watched as he sliced his palm open, much like he had that night years ago. The old scar in her palm had nearly faded now, and as she glanced at it, she felt almost sad over its loss. Once Jonathan was done with the knife, they kept on walking, letting the distance between them and the others grow.

One moment Jonathan was right behind her, but at the next she’d advanced at least fifteen feet and suddenly heard him howl in pain. She turned around and saw him writhing on the ground, the last bear trap clamped on his lower leg. Blood was seeping into his jeans. _No. No. No._ The monster was coming anyway because of the wound in his hand, but this was worse. Much worse.

“Come on,” she told him, trying to help him back to his feet.

“I can’t even put my foot down! You need to go, Nancy. We both know it’s coming,” he answered, through gritted teeth.

“I’m not leaving you here!”

“You don’t have a choice!”

“Like hell I don’t! Mike! Mike!” she screamed for her brother, hoping they were close enough to the portal to be heard through it. There was no way she’d let it end this way. This place wasn’t going to take Jonathan from her, too. No matter what happened between them, she was going to make sure he lived.

"Nancy, listen..." he groaned. As she looked into his eyes, she found something she’d never believed she’d see. Resignation. He wasn’t going to fight death here, because this was the place his brother had taken him last breath in.

"No! You're not going to die here, so stop it!" Nancy yelled, wanting to shake some sense into him.

She sighed in relief as she saw two figures approaching them from the direction of the portal. Mike and El.

“Nancy! What’s wrong?” asked Mike.

“Jonathan stepped into a bear trap, you need to help me get him out of here!”

Both El and Mike crouched down next to Jonathan, Mike throwing his arm around his neck to lift him, but as soon as he moved, Jonathan screamed.

“I told you to leave me here! Go now, before it comes. I don’t want you to see-” he said, tears glistening in his eyes, but he forced them back down. _Her stupid, brave boyfriend._

“I can try to take the trap off,” suggested El.

Of course, she could twist the metal with her mind! Nancy could have hugged the girl.

“Do it,” she said, nodding.

Nancy kneeled on the ground, picking up Jonathan’s hand. His fingers were digging into his palm, his knuckles white. _This was going to hurt._

Jonathan’s eyes were locked on the trap, with its metal teeth biting into his flesh.

“Jonathan, don’t look at it. Look at me, okay?” she told him, knowing he could lose consciousness.

His eyes swiveled to her face and she felt the steely resolve she’d recently developed against him start to fade. She was still angry with him, but she loved him as well, and right now that love was stronger than the anger and betrayal she felt.

“It’s going to be okay,” she murmured, as El started her work. Jonathan screamed, his eyes squeezing shut, but Nancy saw that it was helping. The metal clamps were slowly becoming off. Taking off her own sweater, she handed it to Mike, who tied it around the bleeding leg. It was done.

El looked unsteady on her feet, and she reached out to place a hand on a tree trunk for support.

“El, El! Are you okay?” asked Mike, placing his hands on El’s shoulders.

She nodded, taking deep breaths.

“Yeah. Let’s… Let’s go.”

“Nancy, help El! I’ll take Jonathan!” ordered Mike, now hauling Jonathan off the ground despite his protests.

She pulled El with her, and they started for the portal. She could hear it approaching now, not far behind them. 

"El, can you seal the portal?" she asked, frantically reaching for a lighter in her pocket.

"Yeah, I can do it," assured El. She may have been weakened after using her powers, but Nancy didn't doubt her.

"Good. Hang on, I'm going to make sure it stays there," she said, diving back into the portal, the lighter held in front of her.

Pushing her upper body to the other side, she came face to face with the monster. The Demogorgon. She couldn't be sure it was this particular individual that had taken Barb, that had forced her to stab a suffering 13-year-old, but its story was ending right here, right now. _For Barb, and for Will._

Knowing she had mere seconds to save herself, Nancy leaned down and pressed the lighter into the gasoline-soiled terrain. It caught fire, exactly as it was supposed to, and she backed down through the portal as fast as she could.

"El, now!" she yelled, getting out of the way. 

***

Nancy drove straight to the nearest emergency room with Jonathan in the back, with Mike and the others following in Dustin's car. An ambulance had already picked up Rosie. She briefly wondered how long it'd take for the white vans to show up, and what kind of cover story they'd come up for Rosie. Maybe a bear attack or something like that.

Jonathan was still in a lot of pain when they reached the hospital, so she helped him into a chair in the waiting room and went to the reception alone. Handing over his ID, she recited his social security number to the nurse behind the counter.

They brought a wheelchair for him and soon he was being carted off by a nurse.

"It's time, Nancy. Tell me the truth about what happened to Will," demanded Mike, taking a seat next to her in the waiting room. She looked behind them and saw El, Lucas and Dustin waiting.

"Can we do this in private? Please," she nearly begged.

"Fine. There's a cafeteria on the next floor."

Nancy stood up, suddenly feeling numb. She was really going to have to tell Mike everything. They took the elevator to the next floor and all too soon were seated at a corner table in the mostly empty cafeteria.

"Tell me," coaxed Mike, crossing his arms on his chest.

Taking a deep breath, she started from the beginning. To his credit, Mike listened without interrupting her, but when she was finished and he still wasn't saying anything, her heart filled with cold dread.

"Please say something," she pleaded.

Mike shook his head.

"I don't know what to say. I need time," he replied, and with that, he stood up and walked away from her.

She knew there was no sense in running after him, so she let him go. After an hour, she returned to the emergency room and found El sitting there alone.

"Hi," said the girl.

"Hi. Where did the boys go?"

"Mike said he wanted to be alone, so he went back to the motel. Dustin and Lucas got hungry, they'll be back soon."

"Did Mike tell you why he needed to be alone?"

"Yeah. You stabbed Will, and lied to Mike about it."

Nancy nodded, suddenly finding it hard to keep it together. Hearing the truth voiced like that had that effect.

"I think you did the right thing, Nancy," said El quietly.

"How could you know that?"

"Will was very sick, and it wouldn't have been right if Jonathan had had to do it. But you should have told Mike. I think that's why he's angry."

Nancy rubbed her stinging eyes, hoping to God El was right. Dustin and Lucas returned with pizza, which both she and El ate with gusto. Nancy hadn’t even realized how hungry she was.

They released Jonathan with crutches, extra bandages, and pain killers soon after 8 PM. Apparently he'd been lucky and nothing in his leg was broken, just badly bruised. They'd cleaned the wounds and given him a tetanus booster.

At first, she thought it’d be best to sleep at the motel and drive back in the morning, but once they got there, Mike announced that he wanted to leave right away. Somehow that made her want to get away as soon as possible too. He still wasn’t even looking at her, and closed the door to his and Jonathan’s room right in her face. Not knowing what else to do, she took her bags to the car and said her goodbyes to El, Lucas and Dustin before staying in the car, waiting for Jonathan. El and Mike helped him into the backseat with his bag.

“Remember, not a word to mom about my injury, okay?” he told El.

“Promise.”

With that, El and Mike were gone and Nancy started the car.

***

She parked the car at a rest stop around 11 PM after nodding off dangerously three times over the last 20 miles or so. She would've liked to have kept on driving, but there was no way to escape the weariness.

"We'll stay here for the night," she told Jonathan.

"Okay. Do you want the blanket?" he asked.

"No, I'm fine."

They only had one blanket and since Jonathan was the one with his leg covered in bandages, it was better that he keep it. She unfastened the seat belt, reclined the driver's seat, and leaned back. The night was pitch black, the sky covered in clouds so that the moon or the stars weren't visible. She shivered. It was ridiculous, but she'd seen too many horror movies that started at lonely rest stops in the middle of the night. This time she wasn't scared of any supernatural monsters, but the human kind.

"Scoot over," she said, squeezing herself into the backseat with Jonathan. She knew it was nothing more than a sense of false security, but she was going to take it. Anything to be less angry and terrified.

She folded her sweater into a pillow and leaned against the door. Feeling Jonathan's eyes on her, she spoke.

"Does your leg still hurt?"

"Not really. Those pills were pretty strong."

"Good."

"I talked to Mike before we left."

"Oh."

"He said you told him everything."

"I did."

"I know it's my fault you had to do it. I'm sorry."

"Too late for that now," she replied, remembering the look in Mike's eyes as he'd driven away. Would their relationship ever be the same again?

"I know. But for what it's worth, I think he's angry you didn't tell him earlier. He knows what you did to Will was the right thing to do," he said, his fingers brushing hers on the seat.

"El said the same thing."

"Well, she's right."

"You don't know that, Jonathan."

He sighed. "I guess I don't,” he answered, pulling his hand back.

Some part of her softened at his resignation. Ever since they’d left New York, he’d been more like himself, more like the young man she’d fallen in love with years ago. Stubborn, quiet as well as difficult in his own way, but also smart, kind, loving and funny. He hadn’t been this present with her in months. She knew it was probably a temporary thing, but it’d still make it harder for her to go through with leaving. And she hated him for that.

Nancy wanted to yell and cry, but ended up doing only the latter, and only much later. She stayed awake for a long time, waiting for Jonathan to fall asleep, before moving closer to him. He was now leaning against the other backdoor, allowing her as much space as he could in the cramped backseat.

She wrapped her arms around him and laid her head on his chest. The familiar beat of his heart transported her back several years, all the way to the time she'd barely slept at all. All of a sudden, Jonathan shifted, his arms coming to rest on her back. His head moved as well, and she felt him inhale the scent of her hair. Panicking, she tried to pull away, but he held on firmly. At first, he stayed silent, but then she both felt and heard the first sob escape his body. It was followed by another one. And another.

"I'm so sorry, about everything. I should've been more careful with what I said, and I should have talked to you. You matter more than anything else to me, Nancy, there’s never been anyone else, I swear. I'm going to throw all the weed away and stop, I promise. You were so brave and strong tonight, and I'm nothing but a mess," he said, his head buried against her shoulder. She felt his tears wetting her top, and decided to allow herself this moment of weakness.

He probably wouldn't remember half of this tomorrow anyway. So, she stayed with him in the backseat, arms wrapped around him, while they both cried. She cried for the girl who had killed a boy to spare his brother the pain, for the girl whose own little brother might never speak to her again, and for the girl who wanted nothing more than to forget any of that had ever happened and go back to New York with her boyfriend. She believed Jonathan was sorry, but it was too late.

***

The sun was already up by the time she woke up in the morning, and she was still in Jonathan’s arms, their only blanket pulled over her. His injured leg was propped up against the window on the opposite side of the seat and he was still sound asleep. Disentangling herself from him, she stretched outside for a minute before starting the car again. At the next gas station, she bought them both some breakfast and laid Jonathan’s on the seat next to him. He woke up about an hour later and thanked her for the breakfast, but other than that, their drive to New York was dead silent.

She helped Jonathan into their apartment, but then turned to leave. It was what she’d been planning on for days now, and it was what she had to do, despite the last couple of days.

Jonathan was still standing behind her, staring at her, while she'd stopped in front of the door with her hand on the knob. _Why was he doing this to himself, and to her?_ Just as she was about to ask, he spoke.

“I meant it, Nancy. Every word I said in the car. The painkillers weren’t that strong. I meant what I said,” he said, his voice shaky.

 _Don’t look at him._ If she made the mistake of turning around now, she knew she wouldn’t go. So, she simply nodded, acknowledging his words. Swallowing the tears that threatened to fall, she took a deep breath before speaking.

“Why do you want to see me leave?” she asked.

He shifted awkwardly, his crutches scraping the floor.

“I want to remember, everything. Even the end,” he finally replied quietly.

She nodded again, not trusting herself to say anything. It really was the end. He’d said everything he was going to; she knew by now that Jonathan wasn’t one to beg her to stay. She was free to leave, but he was going to stand there and watch her do it and make it harder for her.

_Just go, Nancy._

“Take care of yourself, Jonathan,” she said, turning the knob, and pushing the door open. Forcing her tears back, she lifted her bags off the floor and stepped out before closing the door behind her. Right before taking the first step down the staircase, she heard the unmistakable sound of Jonathan’s crutches hitting the floor with dull clanks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you guys hate me right now, but don't worry, the next chapter will be up in a few days (I wrote it at the same time as this one) :) And I think you'll like me a bit more after that one, so hang on!


	8. The Way Home

_December, 1988_

It felt strange not having a dog in the house anymore. It was also the end of another era, as Ranger had been Will's dog most of all. One by one, all the things that reminded him of his brother were disappearing. After all these years, there was still a boxful of his old drawings under his old bed, untouched and unsorted. Every time he thought about sorting through them, something stopped him. He just couldn't do it. One day he would.

Buying a Christmas present for his mom had become harder and harder every year since he'd moved to New York, because he used to know what she needed, but now he had no idea. He guessed she had Hopper and El for that now.

However, this year was turning out to be an exception. He opened the door to the room he’d only recently stopped calling Will’s in his head.

 "Hi," he greeted El, who was bent over her homework, even though it was Christmas Break.

"Hi."

"I was thinking I'd get mom a new dog for Christmas, so I'm heading to the animal shelter. You want to come along?" he asked.

"Yeah!"

El had finally reached high school level in her studies, but she was a freshman, while Mike and the others were now seniors. They'd be leaving town soon. He wondered if Nancy and Mike were talking, but decided against asking El, just like he had for the last five months. It wasn’t his business anymore, although he’d caused the rift in the first place.

"How's school?" he asked instead, fastening his seat belt.

"Good."

"Nobody's been giving you a hard time or anything?"

"No... And I wouldn't care even if someone did. I can handle them."

Jonathan smirked.

"I know you can.”

"You were bullied in high school."

"Yeah... And for a long time before that, too. But college is better."

"Do you have a new girlfriend?"

He nearly lost control of the car. Sometimes El's questions still caught him off guard, although he thought he’d gotten used to them by now.

"No," he answered, unsure if he'd be able to say anything more coherent than that.

"Do you miss Nancy?"

"I-"

"Sorry, you don't have to answer that,” she mumbled. He immediately felt bad for his hesitation.

"It's okay, El, I was just surprised... Yeah, I miss her, but every day it becomes a little harder to remember what it was like. In general, I mean. There are also some things I'll never forget."

"Is that a good thing?"

"I don't know."

"Is it the same when someone dies? That you remember some things very clearly but forget the rest?"

"More or less. Of course, when that someone's dead, it's more final. As long as that person's still alive, there's a chance you could still see them, make new memories, tell them the things you wish you'd told them earlier."

"Do you think you and Nancy will get back together?"

He considered the question for a long while.

"No," he finally sighed. It was the truth. It was realism, whether he liked it or not.

"That’s what always happens in books and movies."

He chuckled.

"True, but I don't know if it happens very often in real life."

"But you can hope, right?"

"I guess so."

"Then I'll hope for you."

El knew exactly what it was like to be called a freak, and to think of yourself as one. He hadn't gone through half of the crap she had, but they had an understanding. He hoped things would work out for Mike and El, but they were _so young_. If he was being realistic, he knew that El would eventually have to learn what a break-up felt like, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t hope for the opposite.

“I know you don’t want to talk about Nancy, but just so you know, Mike’s not mad at her anymore.”

“Oh. That’s great,” he replied, nodding. That was good news at least.

The shelter was a sad place, even at Christmas. Full of forgotten pets that nobody wanted. Most of them didn’t leave with a new owner, but today they were going to save one life.

He watched as El's eyes roamed over the caged animals, and realized that bringing her along may not have been the best idea after all.

"Do you want to wait in the car?" he asked, giving her an out.

"No, I want to help.""

We're going to save a life today," he said, but somehow the words felt hollow because they'd be leaving all the others there.

"What kind of dog are we looking for?" asked El.

"Let's look at the ones that have been here the longest."

They ended up with a young, dark-coated male, who Jonathan suspected had both Labrador as well as terrier in him. According to the sign on his cage door, he was called Spike.

“What should we call him?” he asked El, trying to control the dog who was now jumping at her, excited to be let out of the cage.

“I like Strider,” she replied, bending to scratch the dog behind his ear.

“Strider? Are you reading Lord of the Rings?” _Strider._ He liked that.

“Yeah. Is that a good name?”

“Definitely!”

 On their way out, he saw a tiny, black thing cowering in the corner of his or her cage, as if hoping to be invisible to him. He stopped, crouching down in front of the metal door. The sign on the door identified the dog as Lady, who was now eyeing him warily. She was going to grow up into a beautiful, large dog, if given the chance. The more he looked at her, the surer he was that she was a purebred German Shepherd. _How come nobody had adopted her?_

“What is it?” asked El.

“Hang on, I need to ask something,” he answered, striding to the man who had guided them to the dogs initially.

“Why hasn’t Lady been adopted?” he asked, motioning to the puppy.

The man raised his brows.

“Lady doesn’t like men,” he stated, and then went back to filling a crossword puzzle.

“Is she still going to be here if I come back tomorrow?”

The man shrugged.

“Probably.”

“But you’re not sure?”

“I can’t make any promises.”

He’d had absolutely no intention of getting a dog for himself when he’d walked into this place, but now… Leaving Lady didn’t feel right.

“Then I’ll take her with me now.”

“Be my guest, but I suggest you get yourself some reinforced gloves first. She bites hard.”

Jonathan asked El to take Lady, while he grabbed Strider’s leash. As he’d been told, Lady didn’t like men, and he was no exception; she’d growl at him every time he tried to approach her. At least she got along well with Strider, but he was still determined to get through to the dog before he had to drive back to New York.

***

His mom and Hopper- or Jim, as he’s supposed to call the man now- got engaged on Christmas Eve. They weren’t planning on a big wedding, nothing but a city hall ceremony with a few guests, and dinner at his mom’s favorite restaurant. Jonathan swore he’d be there regardless of the date, but his mom insisted on booking it for his spring break so he wouldn’t miss anything.

The Wheelers would be invited, and he assured his mom it was all right, that he’d be fine seeing Nancy, assuming she could make it. He knew how disappointed his mom had been when he’d told her that they’d broken up, and it seemed likely that she now hoped that them seeing each other at the wedding would convince them that breaking up had been a mistake.

He spent Christmas Break mostly trying to get Lady to trust him enough even to just accept a treat from him, but she still wouldn’t come near him. He accompanied El or his mom on walks with both dogs, but as the days passed by, he started thinking he’d have to leave Lady with his mom. The puppy liked her, but El was clearly her favorite, and she spent the nights curled up at the foot of her bed. The only detail that Jonathan took some solace in was that Lady was even more terrified of Jim than him. He knew he shouldn’t feel offended by the dog’s behavior; someone had clearly hurt her, but he couldn’t help but feel like he’d failed. Yet again.

Jonathan’s last night in Hawkins arrived too soon, and he decided to try to feed Lady once more. Time was about to run out.

“Come on,” he called out, holding out a piece of meatball to the puppy.

Lady let out a whine, as if telling him to drop it, like he’d been doing until now.

“No. If you want it, you’re going to have to come and get it,” he told her.

The dog was still hesitating, not certain if it was safe to approach him.

“I won’t hurt you,” he tried.

He didn’t take the commanding bark Lady let out as a good sign, until she took a step forward. Holding his breath, he turned his eyes away from her, hoping it’d encourage her. Seconds later he felt her wet muzzle prod his hand, and then her tongue scooped up the meatball. After finishing off the treat, instead of retreating, she continued to sniff at him, finally giving his arm an exploratory lick.

***

_February, 1989_

There were few worse surprises than finding your entire place ransacked and everything you owned in shambles, but that was what Jonathan found when he came home that Thursday night. At least he found Lady unharmed in the bathroom, barking furiously. The dog was so shaken up that at first that she refused to leave the safety of the bathroom. The leftovers of his lunch finally convinced her to come out.

The tiny apartment he’d moved into since his breakup with Nancy wasn’t in a good area, but going back to living in a dorm had still felt like the worse choice. The good thing was that he always kept his camera with him, as well as his wallet, but just about everything else would have to be thrown out. His phone was the only thing that seemed to be gone, and he made a mental note to call his mom from a phone booth in the morning. The phone would have to be replaced.

His photos were in shreds, except the ones he always kept in his bag, the few books he owned, and even a couple of library books, had been torn into pieces, and most of his furniture had been smashed. It must have been a junkie in search of something valuable to sell, who had been sent into a violent rage after figuring out there was really nothing of value in his apartment. At least they hadn't hurt his dog. His bed was mostly intact, but the sheets had been thrown on the floor and the mattress looked like it had been stabbed multiple times. Miraculously, his meager savings that had been stuffed into a sock in his drawer were still there.

He cleaned everything the best he could, even going to the trouble of saving the pieces of his photos. He could try to tape the most important ones together.

The furniture had was all second hand anyway, and he’d had no real connection to any of it, but he mourned the photos. He still had the negatives for the ones he’d need for school, but some of the others were now gone for good. The memories were now only in his head, and sometimes these days he found it hard to trust. Nevertheless, what was probably the worst part was that he felt now violated and unsafe in his own space. That night he curled up on his bed, fully clothed, with his pocketknife in his hand and Lady next to him. He knew he wouldn’t be able to do much damage with it to a junkie who really wanted to hurt him, but it made him feel a little better. At the same time, it reminded him of the nights he’d spent in his own bed in Hawkins, fearing the monster from the Upside Down would come back. Only this time he was more alone.

He still tried not to think about Nancy too much, and he didn’t look at the photos of her and the two of them together that he kept in his bag, but he couldn’t bring himself to take them out and throw them away either. They were like talismans, and if he got rid of them, he feared that he could no longer be sure it had happened in the first place. The photos were evidence. He had no idea how she was doing or if her relationship with Mike had been ruined, or if she was seeing someone else by now. Sometimes he let himself consider the answers to those questions, but then again, none of it was his business anymore. He’d messed up in a big way and apologized, but it hadn’t been enough.

He was still sorry for what he'd done, but he understood that not all things could be forgiven. His dad had never been familiar with the concept of apologizing, but Jonathan knew that he wouldn't forgive him even if he suddenly decided to ask for his forgiveness. Therefore, he'd only had one option: to move on, whatever that meant in his case. Sometimes he'd sit in Barry and John's dorm room, venting about their photography projects. He guessed they fit the description of friends now, but it was never like the way it had been with Nancy. Barry and John now helped him pick out which photos to send for potential internships or contests, but it wasn't the same. They didn't look at his photos the way Nancy had. She had always liked to wonder what his photos said about him, the man behind the lens.

When his dad had left, he'd known they'd be better off without him. Him, Will and their mom. Nancy leaving was the first time in his life when he truly felt the loss of someone who hadn't passed away, but who had chosen to remove themselves from his life. It hurt.

He wasn't looking for anybody, and wouldn't, probably ever. His friends wondered about it, they'd even asked if he was into guys. He wasn't, but it didn't matter because he wasn't good with relationships anyway. Jonathan had lived in the background for a long time, he could do so again.

It had been seven months and a week since their breakup, and seven months, a week, and four days since he’d had any weed. It was part of the reason he’d lost Nancy, and he felt that the best way to honor what had been was to stay away from the stuff entirely. Her stubbornness had saved his life that night and although he sometimes felt that he'd been given a chance he didn't deserve, he wasn't going to throw it away. He was always going to be a mess, but he didn’t have to make it worse, did he? His studies were going better, and he’d taken on some extra shifts at the grocery store. He’d offered the additional cash to his mom, to use to send El to college, but she’d refused them after seeing him during Christmas break, telling him to eat more. Then she’d taken him shopping for new clothes and insisted on paying for them, as early Christmas presents.

***

The following Tuesday was the only night that week when he wasn’t slated in for a work shift after classes, and as he still felt uneasy in his apartment, he chose camp out in a nearby coffee shop with a book and coffee. The place was busier than usual, but he managed to find an unoccupied corner table, which was exactly what he wanted.

Thinking people wouldn’t even see him sitting there, he was surprised when a shadow fell over his book.

“Hi,” said a familiar voice. His heart nearly bursting out of his chest, he lifted his gaze from the novel and faced Nancy. She looked good, and was wearing a new, red coat.

“Hey,” he replied, trying to remember to breathe.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” she asked, motioning to the chair on the other side of the table.

“No.”

Jonathan watched as she set her coffee on the table next to his and then placed her coat on the back of the chair before sitting down.

“How are you, Jonathan?”

“Good… I’m good. I quit, like I promised you.” _Why are you here? I miss you so much._

“That’s good to hear.”

The silence that fell now between them was an awkward one. He was secretly glad that he wasn’t the only one who didn’t know what to say anymore.

“So, how have you been?” he finally asked.

“I’ve been good, too. I live with Beth and Katherine now.”

He nodded politely.

“Do you live nearby?”

“Yeah, my apartment’s like five blocks away.”

In the blink of an eye someone bumped into his from the side, sending the contents of his open bag scattering on the floor. His wallet, keys, a few extra rolls of film, and the photos. _Oh, Jesus._

He didn't even dare look at Nancy, suddenly feeling just the way he had that one day years ago at the school's parking lot when his photos had been scattered on the ground just like this. These photos hadn't been taken without her permission, but he knew it must be creepy to have held onto them after their breakup. He didn't know how these things were supposed to work, but he was pretty sure carrying around photos of your ex-girlfriend wasn't in the realm of normal.

She kneeled and picked up the one photo he hadn't managed to grab yet. It was of them, on his mom's couch, taken during their first Christmas as a couple. At first look there seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary about the photo, it was as if they were just two friends, sharing a laugh over something. But when you looked at the small things, you saw the truth. The way her body was angled towards him, the way his own eyes shone as he looked at her, the light in Nancy's smile. It was them, and although they no longer existed, it was how he wanted to remember them. It was the same photo that had still been on his mom's table at Christmas, the one she'd caught him looking at and then apologized for not putting it away. _"I always thought that if anyone was going to make it, it'd be the two of you,"_ she'd admitted. Then she'd told him that she just wanted him to be happy, and when they'd hugged, he'd tried to remember what that even meant. Content he could do, but happy? He wasn't so sure.

Nancy took a look at the photo, biting her lower lip as she considered it for a few seconds before handing it to him, her face no longer revealing anything.

"Here you go," she said.

"Thanks," he answered, uncertain if he should pretend she hadn't seen the photos or apologize for keeping them.

"Do you have some time? I was thinking we could take a walk, if you're up for it," she suggested.

He was taken aback, which must have shown on his face because now she was biting her lip again. He was making her nervous. What could she possibly have to say to him that she couldn't say in a crowded coffee shop? A small spark of hope caught fire inside of him, only to be extinguished by his realistic nature. _Don't get your hopes up._

***

"So, El told me you got a dog."

"Yeah, it wasn't really planned."

“I have something to confess,” she said.

“What?”

“I was hoping I’d find you there. Beth saw you there last week, when she was on her way to see her mom at work. I was hoping I’d get to see you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah… I guess I could’ve looked for you in the phonebook, too, but it felt too weird.”

“Well, I’m glad you found me.”

He wondered if asking if she was seeing someone else would be intruding. 

"So, how are... How's Mike?" He ended up asking. _How are things with you and Mike?_

"He's fine... He needed some time, but he's okay, and we're okay now."

"Good. I'm-""

“You don't have to apologize for it again, Jonathan. You already did that, and I forgive you. And I know you didn't do it on purpose."

“I still hurt your relationship with your brother.”

"And I left when you needed support, and when you needed a friend, I refused to be that friend. I'm sorry, Jonathan."

Before he could say anything, she continued.

"And I don't think I can be your friend now, either."

"Oh," he managed, wondering if this was his cue to leave.

"I... I can live without you, but I don't want to," she finished, and then suddenly he felt her reaching for his hand.

His heart thudded in his chest, the beat so loud now that he was sure she had to hear it, too. Her fingers threaded through his, the feeling achingly familiar.

"So, you- you want to... Get back together?" he asked, forcing the words out. The last thing he wanted was to misunderstand her intentions.

"If that's what you want," she replied. Some things never changed, like the way she made him feel when she looked into his eyes, her expression just a little uncertain. He hadn't seen her look like that in years, but even now he knew he could never say no to her.

"I do. I really do," he answered quickly, hoping he sounded as confident as he felt. There was nothing he'd ever wanted more than another shot with her, a chance he probably didn't deserve, but he was going to do everything in his power not to screw up this time.

She wrapped him into a tight embrace, but he was too happy to stand still, so he lifted her from the ground and spun her around a few rounds. Nancy laughed, and he laughed, and all was right in his world again. She was still laughing when he placed her back down, but before he had much time to prepare, she reached for the lapels of his jacket and pulled him down to her.

He should have been anticipating the kiss, but he still stumbled backwards before tightening his hold on her. She tasted like home, and it was as if the last seven months, a week, and five days were washed away within seconds. She opened her mouth for him with a barely audible moan, encouraging him to deepen the kiss.

"I love you, Jonathan," she whispered as they pulled apart for air.

"I love you too. Always," he admitted, although she had to know that by now.

***

Lady had no problems with women or kids, but the way the dog scrutinized Nancy at the door made him think she knew that this was the girl who could both break his heart and put it back together again.

"Hey there," said Nancy, petting Lady's head gently.

The dog's tail wagged, but not as eagerly as usual when meeting new people.

"Lady, come on, let Nancy come in," he ordered, tapping his leg to get the dog's attention.

Lady whined, but did as she was told, coming to sit next to Jonathan.

"I don't think she likes me."

"She just needs time to warm up to you."

"I know a jealous woman when I see one," she replied, stepping into his embrace.

It was only later, when he was already content and drowsy with sleep, with Nancy rubbing his back, that she noticed the signs of the break-in.

"What happened here?" she asked, seeing the holes on the mattress that he'd tried to cover with a sheet.

"Someone broke in last week when I was at work."

"My God. Did they take anything?"

"The phone, but that's it. Aside from that, the place had been trashed."

"Jesus, Jonathan. You shouldn't live here."

"I know. I'll start looking for something else, but it'll be a while," he sighed.

"I know we shouldn't rush things, but at some point in the future I might move in, so..."

He grinned. She was already thinking about them living together again.

"I'd like that. A lot."

He rolled over to his side and pulled Nancy closer as his dog decided to claim her regular spot on the mattress, right next to his legs. 

"This bed is too small for the three of us," said Nancy, the fact that her face was now buried against his chest muffling her voice.

He laughed.

"You've totally spoiled that dog, you know," she continued, turning around in his arms.

He couldn't resist slipping a hand under the shirt, _his shirt_ , that she was wearing to bed. He ran his fingers up her rib cage, stopping right under her breasts.

"You always used to do this," she sighed.

"Mmmm... Yeah. Do you mind?"

"No. I missed it."

***

With or without her, he was still Jonathan, just like she was still Nancy, even without him. Together they were something more, something better than that. As Jonathan watched his mom get married, Nancy's hand in his, he couldn't help hoping that one day it would be them standing there in front of everyone. 

 

 


	9. Far

_January, 1989_

_"More wine?"_

_"No, thanks."_

_It had been a nice night. Objectively speaking, at least. Kevin was Beth's brother, 26 years old, a law student and good looking in a traditional way. And after six months she should be ready to get out and date someone else, and yet she wasn't._

_Everything about this date was so unlike Jonathan, starting from Kevin's expensive suit and silk tie, and extending to the fancy French restaurant with frilly tablecloths and the people around them. The average age of the other diners had to be over 50, and they all made more money in a month than she made in a year. Nevertheless, despite all that, she knew she shouldn't be feeling as uncomfortable as she was. Kevin's hand covered hers on the table and she forced herself not to yank it back. Maybe she had to make herself do this and it'd get easier?_

_Excusing herself, she walked into the restroom for a moment of privacy. A mother entered the restroom, a little boy in tow. The boy's left leg was covered in cast and he was moving swiftly with the help of a pair of crutches._

_"Wait here, sweetie," told the mom, disappearing into one of the stalls._

_The boy's crutches clanked to the floor as he produced a set of toy cars from his pockets and began to play. The familiar noise startled her, and once again, it was as if she'd just left him behind. She knew his leg was fine by now, and that he'd even adopted a dog over Christmas. He clearly didn't need her worrying about him, but she needed to see him. There it was, she realized with a start. The heart of the matter. Kevin reminded her of Steve in many ways, except that Steve wasn't attending law school, but selling used cars in Hawkins. She wouldn't call Steve a mistake, although she'd stayed with him too long, but rather a phase. That was what Kevin could be, too._ A phase. 

“If you're a freak, then I'm one too, and happy about it.”

_Those were the words she'd used years earlier, back when they'd first began dating and people at school had been terrible about it. She remembered her own anger; how was it any of their business anyway? And how uncomfortable it had made Jonathan. He'd gone as far as to suggest they pretend to be nothing but friends at school, but she hadn't agreed. Once upon a time she had cared about what people thought about her, but a few near-death experiences and some growing up had done wonders to her priorities. Besides, there had been only a few months of high school left. Her classmates were meaningless in the big picture, so why should she have cared that Tommy, Carol and their cronies called her a slut? If having dated a grand total of two boys in high school meant that she was a slut, then so be it._

_She kept her hands in her coat pockets during their walk back to the apartment she shared with Beth and Katherine. It'd be wrong to lead Kevin on. There wasn't going to be a second date with him, or a first date with anyone else, at least not until the wound in her heart had closed up. She had to stop trying to curb the bleeding by using band aids._

_"I'm going to take a wild guess and say there's not going to be another date. Am I right?" Asked Kevin, as they stood at her door._

_She nodded._

_"I'm sorry. It's not you, it's-"_

_"You and your ex. I know, Beth warned me this might happen. Take care, Nancy," he said, waving at her as he headed for the stairs._

_This was one of those times that Nancy wondered if something was really wrong with her. She'd rejected a perfectly nice man, and for what? What was she going to do if and when she saw Jonathan anyway? Did she only want to make sure he was still out there, living his life, as she'd been telling by herself until now? Did she have something to say to him? Did she want him back in her life? Could they be just friends after everything?_

_There were so many things she still didn't know about what had led to her decision to leave him, and although six months ago they'd hardly mattered, the questions now nagged at her. If the worst possible scenario turned out to be true, could she forgive him? Time and distance had a way of changing things, and maybe she was refusing to remember the times Jonathan had hurt her, the things about him that had annoyed her. And yet she hadn't missed anyone like this after Barb. On a night like this they would've probably gone skating, or sat on their couch at home with a blanket over them, while some stupid movie rolled on the TV. She hadn't only walked out on her boyfriend that day, but her best friend as well._

_"So, are you going to call him?" asked Beth, slipping into their kitchen where Nancy had taken refuge with a large cup of tea._

_"Who?" she replied quickly without thinking._

_Beth glared at her._

_"Well, I was initially asking about my brother, you know, the guy you just had dinner with, but now I'm asking about Jonathan."_

_"I'm sorry. About Kevin, I mean. He's a good guy."_

_"He is, but doesn't hold up a candle to your weirdo," sighed Beth._

_"Jonathan's not a weirdo."_

_"I know, I was only teasing you, I didn't mean it as an insult. I like him. Are you going to call him or not?"_

_Over the last few years Beth and she had grown close.  Not as close as she and Barb had been, but close nevertheless. It still felt weird discussing Jonathan with her, possibly because there were so many things about him and their relationship that she couldn't tell her._

_Nancy shook her head._

_"I think it'd be a little weird."_

_"You two have clearly got some unfinished business. Somehow I doubt he'd run off screaming if you did something a little weird."_

_He wouldn't, but calling him still didn't feel like the right way to approach him after all this time._

_What if he'd fallen even deeper into the hole she'd left him in? It didn't sound likely based on what she'd heard from El and Mike, but she couldn't know for sure._ Then I'll do what I should've done six months ago. I'll help him.

_Could he forgive her for leaving him alone, injured and depressed?_

 

***

_February, 1989_

Nancy was lucky her roommates liked dogs, because for the past week there had been black dog hair everywhere in their apartment. If Lady could do anything, it was shed. The dog still regarded her with suspicion, but it had only been a week. Maybe they just needed time, like Jonathan had said.

Rebuilding a relationship took time too, but she believed they were well on their way. It hadn't been her original plan to fall into his arms like that, but her resolve had snapped at seeing the photos fall out of his bag. Neither one of them had been able to move on, so why not try to patch things up? She could've offered him friendship, but hadn't they already gone down that path once, all those years ago? It would've been a betrayal of her own feelings anyway.

By the time she'd finally caught Jonathan in the coffee shop, she'd been going there for a week, hoping to see him. It had been stupid and desperate on her part, but felt like the best way to approach him. Talking to him at his mom's wedding would have been awkward with everyone around, and she hadn't wanted to wait that long. 

Now it was all about putting the past to rest, and figuring out how to move on together. There were still things at the back of her mind that bothered her. She'd always needed answers, and this situation was no different.

"Jonathan?" she called, wondering if he was even still awake. 

"Hmmmm?"

"Before I left... Over those last few months, did you ever... Cheat on me?"

Jonathan may have been nearly asleep, but her question jolted him fully awake. He sat up and turned the bedside lamp on so abruptly that Lady was scared off the mattress, letting out a soft growl at the interruption of her slumber.

"Jesus Christ, no! Was that what you thought?"

It was exactly as she'd wanted to believe. He hadn't done anything, but the relief was now turning into embarrassment for doubting him. 

"I didn't want to, but then I realized that I couldn't really know. You weren't talking to me, and you weren't around."

"I'm so sorry."

"No more apologies, remember?"

"Okay, but I would never do that to you, I swear. Never."

"I believe you," she assured him, giving his hand a squeeze. And she did believe him, feeling almost stupid that she'd even asked. Still, rebuilding a relationship meant that you had to talk about the things in the past that bothered you. That was what they'd been doing   almost every night since getting back together. He'd finally told her the things that he'd kept bottled up inside of him instead of confiding in her.

"Where did you go anyway, all those nights?"

"I was alone for the most part, but also in some bars. I never actually talked to anyone."

"You just walked around the city at night?"

"Mostly, yeah."

 _Jesus._ She wanted to smack him for being so stupid, but suppressed the urge.

"You could've been robbed or killed!" she hissed.

He winced.

"I know that, it didn't cross my mind back then. I promise I'll never do that again."

"I hope you never feel like doing it again."

Nancy had run through just about every single possible scenario in her head, each more terrifying and implausible than the previous one, but this one hadn't crossed her mind. Jonathan who had always liked solitude had wandered the streets of New York City alone. Throwing the covers aside, she got to her feet. She needed some space to think.

"Nancy?" He asked.

"What?"

"You're mad at me."

"I'm upset and frustrated, which is not the same thing."

"Come back to bed, it's yours. _I'm_ the one intruding on you. Look, I'll take Lady and leave..." he said, pulling on a shirt and his jeans.

"And what?"

"Maybe getting back together like this wasn't a good idea," he said, staring at his feet.

"You don't mean that."

"It's better if it ends now, than in two or three months when you're still angry and both of us have gotten used to this again. It'll be harder, at least for me." It'd be harder for her, too, but she wasn't going to give up.

"We have to sort this out properly, Jonathan! But that doesn't mean getting back together was a mistake. Look, it's nearly midnight. You should stay here."

"We'll be okay. I'm not self-destructive, at least not anymore."

"I don't want you to go!" she spat, knowing she was raising her voice.

"Then what do you want, Nancy? How are we going to be together if you're still mad at me? Tell me," he argued.

 _"Can you guys please tone it down a notch?"_ asked Beth from the next room, knocking on the wall.

"Sorry Beth, we'll keep it down!" she replied. 

"I'm angry that you put yourself in danger like that without any regard for anyone who loves you! And I'm angry at myself that I didn't see that! That's the truth. Happy now?" she continued, lowering her voice again.

"You didn't answer my question. How are we going to be together?"

"I want to be confident that it doesn't happen again. You need help, more than I can give you."

"What do you suggest I do?"

"Beth's mom, she's a therapist..."

"I can't afford..."

"She treats friends and relatives for a fraction of her actual fare."

"I don't want to be some charity case."

"You're not! You're a friend who needs help. Will you see her if I can make it happen?"

“Fine," he agreed, sinking back onto the bed.

“I’m going to get a glass of water, don’t go anywhere.”

He was still sitting on the edge of the bed when she returned, patting Lady absent-minded.

“Are you still thinking about leaving?”

“No… But I could sleep in the living room,” he replied, rubbing his eyes.

She sighed.

“Can you please stop being such a martyr for a second and get back to bed?” she said, rubbing her temples, where a headache was quickly developing. "Sorry, I didn't mean it that way. It's been a long day," she continued, shaking her head. 

He sighed.

"I can never stay mad at you for long," he said, removing his jeans and pulling the covers over them. And she was very happy he couldn't. 

Lying on her back, she sook out his hand.

“We’re going to be okay,” she said.

“How can you know that?”

“Because it’s us. Because we’ll fight for it.”

The squeeze she felt back in her hand renewed her faith in her own words.

***

_July, 1991_

Nancy was tired of moving, but this time was such an improvement that she couldn't help but be excited. After graduation she'd been given a permanent R&D job with a pharmaceutical company, and Jonathan had been hired by The New York Times only a couple of months before, so now they could finally afford a bigger place. The apartment they'd rented together six months after their reunion had been pretty much a carbon copy of their first apartment; some might have called it cozy, she'd called it cramped, but somehow they'd managed.

This one had an actual bedroom, a much larger kitchen as well as a normal-sized bathroom. The week before they'd gone looking for a kitchen table, and even found one they both liked. Unfortunately it had been out of their price range, so to her disappointment they'd left it at the store.

Nancy had been prepared for a full night of moving, so she was surprised to find the tiny apartment empty save for a note from Jonathan, asking her to meet him at their new place. Not that she didn’t appreciate not having to move any of their stuff, but big surprises like this one weren’t something Jonathan had a habit of doing.

Curious, she took the subway to their new apartment, trying not to wonder if something else was going on with him. The apartment seemed empty, save for mountains of boxes, as she opened the door.

“Jonathan?” she called out. There was no answer. Maybe he’d taken Lady out for a walk. Shrugging, she placed her bag on the floor.

As she shut the door behind her, the only thing in her line of sight was a kitchen table. The exact same kitchen table they'd left at the store the previous week.

There was a large vase full of pink roses on the table, as well as a neatly wrapped rectangular package, both addressed to her.

 _“Open me,”_ said the card on the package.

She peeled the paper off to discover a photo album, her college graduation photo on the cover. This was sweet, but why today? Smiling from ear to ear, she couldn’t resist opening the album.

On each page, under the photo, was a description, written by Jonathan. The first photo was from their high school’s Valentine’s Day Dance back in 1984, when she’d still been with Steve. At first, she couldn’t even see herself in the picture, as it was clearly of a couple she barely remembered. Nevertheless, she was there, right in the top left corner, looking straight at the camera. She had her arms around Steve, who was facing the other way.

_You weren’t supposed to be in this photo at all. I would’ve thrown it away, but then I saw that you were looking back at me and I kept it. I remember missing talking to you, and I liked to think you felt the same way._

Jonathan had been photographing the event for the school paper, and studiously avoided her for the whole night. She hadn’t exactly tried to find him either, but he’d practically run every time she’d been in the vicinity. As she reminisced her own behavior, there was hardly any reason for pride. It had been a difficult situation, but she should’ve been his friend long before her own selfish need for an honest connection had driven her to him.

The rest of the pictures were in chronological order, with scenes from the months they’d spent as friends, then trying to help Will. The first photo after Will’s death was the one she’d made him take of her in the forest, the first one he’d taken in months.

_Will was an artist, he always saw the good in things, and so do you. You also see order in them, and I’m so happy you saw it in me, too. You made me start photographing again, and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you._

There were photos from own high school graduation, birthday parties, and some that hadn’t included anyone but the two of them. One of them was a photo of her on Joyce and Jim’s wedding day. She’d gotten dressed in her room while Jonathan had been sitting more or less patiently on her bed, waiting for her to be ready. As she’d asked him to zip up her dress, he’d suddenly insisted that a photo was in order. She’d laughed at him then, all his earlier hurry now forgotten altogether. Now that she looked at the photo, she had to admit it was a good one. She was facing the mirror, her back to him, and the amused smile still on her face, holding her hair to the side.

_I’d never truly realized until this moment how far we’d already come._

Just as she was about to turn to the last page, she heard a muffled yelp. Lady was there, and so was most likely Jonathan.

Turning around, she found the bedroom door slightly ajar. She pushed it open, finding Jonathan standing next to the bed, muttering to himself softly. Lady had taken over the bed, as usual.

"Hi," she called out.

"Oh, hi," he answered, slipping something into his pocket.

"I can't believe you got the table! And how did you manage to move everything?"

He grinned at her sheepishly.

"John and Barry helped, we've been working all day. They left a half an hour ago."

"Are we celebrating something?" she asked, raising her eyebrows at his attire. He was wearing a suit, which he didn't do often, as well as a tie, which he _never_ wore. The navy blue garment looked foreign on him.

"I was thinking we'd go out to dinner. I-I got us a table in the Italian place you like, the one we went to after graduation."

"Alessandro's?"

"Yeah, that one."

"Sounds good, but that still doesn't answer my question."

He took a nervous breath and she noticed beads of sweat on his forehead. The whole thing with the table, the flowers and the gift was sweet, but why had he gone through all this trouble now? _Could it be?_

“Ummm… Well, we got a nice new place here, so why not celebrate?” he replied, way too fast to be genuine. Jonathan was probably the worst liar she’d ever come across. There was definitely more to this.

They hadn't talked about marriage much, and for her it had always been something that might or might not be in the cards for her sometime in the future. They were happy the way they were, and nothing _needed_ to change.

Then came the nervous fluttering, which wasn't exactly a bad feeling. If he was planning on proposing, he'd sure kept the secret hidden well until now. _How could anyone be prepared for this, even if they knew for sure what they thought about marriage?_

She found herself nodding.

“Okay. Let me get changed.”

“I- uh, picked out something. So you wouldn’t have to go through all the boxes and bags. If you want something else, I'll help you look,” he said, pulling out a purple cocktail dress from the closet. It was the one she would’ve probably gone for herself.

“I’m impressed,” she muttered, taking the dress from him.

Excitement was the next feeling to take over her, as she brushed her hair and slipped on a pair of black heels. They loved each other, had been together for years, had lived together for years, had seen each other at their best and worst. If there was a single man in the world she could ever see herself marrying, it was definitely Jonathan. 

***

 Jonathan was preoccupied over dinner, barely touching his food, his leg bouncing under the table. His nervousness was contagious and she managed to down barely half of her chicken pasta.

"Jonathan?" It wasn't until she laid a hand on his knee that she managed to get his attention.

"Sorry. What is it?" he asked, adjusting his collar for approximately the 20th time that night.

"What's going on? After the flowers and the photos, I thought..."

"What?"

"I thought you were going to propose, okay?" She blurted out, blood rushing to her face. _What if she was wrong?_ Based on the look on his face, her guess had been the right one. He looked like a deer in the headlights.

"I was... I mean, that was the plan."

"But it's not anymore?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise, so I got the table, the album, the flowers, and booked this place. Then I realized I shouldn't do it. Not without talking to you first. I know you've had your doubts about marriage, and we haven't really talked about it."

"I've always thought about it as something that I wouldn't have to make my mind up on yet."

Her parents' marriage was hardly something that made a girl believe in the institution, and Jonathan's parents were divorced, but did that have to mean they'd fail? She believed in the concept of a committed long-term relationship, in them, and marriage wouldn't change anything between them anyway.

"And you don't have to, Nancy... Take this, just as a present, nothing else," he said, placing a small box on the table.

The ring inside was beautiful. The gold band was thin and decorated with a few elegant swirls, the diamond in the middle small but lovely. It was the kind of ring that wasn't something that'd mark her as his, but a symbol of _them_ , and something she could've bought herself just as easily. He must've saved for it for months. Nancy knew she could take the ring and he'd probably never bring up marriage again. She'd never have to make up her mind, but maybe she already had. 

Snapping the box shut again, she offered it back to him.

"I can't take it," she said, letting out a deep breath. 

"Why?" he asked, the hurt in his voice palpable. 

"I love it, but that's not what that ring was meant for. It's an engagement ring, that's why you bought it."

”Yeah, but that doesn't have to mean anything. It's only a present now, I'm not asking for anything in return."

"I know that! And that's why I'm not taking it. You should use it the purpose you bought it for. _Ask me._ "

He looked like she'd told him she was moving to Mars.

"You want me to ask you?"

"Yes."

"You just said you still didn't know if you ever want to-"

"I know what I said, but it's complicated. It didn't work out between your parents, and you know how mine are. You can be married and in a terrible or totally stale relationship. I never want to be in that situation. I also know how I feel about us, about you. We're not my parents, or yours for that matter."

"I'd still be with you even if you decided you never want to get married."

"I know, but I kind of like the thought. Of being married to you."

"Only kind of?" he said, eyes glinting with relief.

She rolled her eyes.

"Maybe I should propose to you."

"No, I want to do it."

"Okay."

"Now? Here?"

"It doesn't have to be here. Do it when you’re ready."

As he leaned over the table to kiss her, her hands crept up his shirt to stop at the knot of his tie. 

"What are you doing? he chuckled, while her fingers tugged on the garment.

"Helping you lose the tie. It doesn't suit you."

"Hey, I was trying to look nice for once!"

"You do look nice! But I like it better when you're not wearing a tie."

***

After clearing the air, the atmosphere relaxed and they were able to enjoy the food. They even polished off a large slice of cheesecake for dessert. The evening was warm and they decided to walk home. His hand in hers grew clammy as they strolled through the neighboring blocks of their new apartment, and she knew it'd happen soon. 

"Turn to the last page," he told her, motioning to the album still resting on their new table. Stopping in front of it, she did as he asked.

There was only an empty space where the photo should have been, as well as a message.

_This is the last page of this album, but I want to fill many more. I hope we can start a new chapter of our life together in our new home._

Nancy turned around to find him bent on one knee. Lady had come to greet them and was now enthusiastically licking Jonathan's face.

"Lady, not now," he mumbled, pushing the dog away gently. She tried very hard not to laugh, but failed spectacularly.

"Sorry," she said, growing serious again after seeing the look on his face. Despite their talk, he still looked anxious.

“I'm not offering you a boring life as a housewife living at the end of a cul-de-sac with a husband in sales," he started, his voice now shaking again.

"But I'm still going to do my best to look after you, although I know you don't need it. I'm already lucky to have you, but still... Nancy Wheeler, will you marry me?"

" _'If you're a freak, then I'm one, too.'_  Remember when I said that? I still mean it. So, _yes,_ I'll marry you."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There have been some "slight" disturbances in real life this week (like the world order crumbling), which have made it hard to focus on writing, but I'm pretty far into the next chapter at this stage. Chapter 10 will be the last official chapter, but there's still an epilogue coming after that.


	10. The Wedding

_April, 1985_

_Jonathan parked his car a couple of houses down the street from the Wheelers’ as usual, and strolled toward the house. The spring night was warm and humid enough to make him remove his jacket._

_As he was about to climb the wall to Nancy's room, he heard his name coming out of an open window on the first floor and froze to the spot._

_"Jonathan's a decent young man!" argued Mrs. Wheeler._

_"But what was wrong with Steven? He comes from a good family, has good prospects-"_

_"First of all: his name is Steve, and second: Nancy can date whoever she wants to. They're not even 18 yet, it's not like they're getting married, Ted."_

_"I sure hope not!"_

_Mrs. Wheeler scoffed._

_"I hope you remember that Will Byers was your son's best friend."_

_"That's different!"_

_"How?"_

_"You can be friends with all kinds of people, but can you honestly say you'd be fine with our daughter marrying someone like that, Karen?"_

_"I doubt Nancy wants to get married anytime soon. If she someday decides she wants to spend her life with him, then I’ll accept it. I do like Jonathan, and so do Mike and Holly."_

_"I used to think our Nancy was a sensible girl, now I'm not so sure. That boy is strange and his family-"_

_"Stop it, Ted. You shouldn’t judge people based on their background. Unless you want Nancy to stop talking to you, I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself," hissed Mrs. Wheeler._

_“Even if we can overlook his unstable mother, you can’t possibly claim his father is a suitable role model!”_

_“It's good then that he's gone, isnt' it? Give Jonathan a chance.”_

_At that point Jonathan decided he'd heard enough, and considered going back home. Nancy would notice something was wrong, and he didn't want to recount the argument he'd just witnessed. It’d only make her angry and cause a rift between her and her dad. Family was important to her, just like it was to him, and he wasn’t worth a fight with her dad._

_Mr. Wheeler’s stance on him dating Nancy shouldn’t have come as a surprise to him, as the man had barely spoken to him at the dinners he’d had at the Wheelers’ so far. The most he’d gotten was a handshake and a formal and insincere “How are you, Jonathan?” If it hadn’t been for the rest of Nancy’s family, he would’ve sat through dinner hoping the floor would open up and swallow him. There were few things he hated more than having to be around people who couldn’t stand him. Somehow it was even worse when they didn’t say it directly to your face, but instead pretended he wasn’t even in the room._

_Nancy may think her dad didn’t care about her life choices, but she was wrong. He could live with their classmates not accepting their relationship because they were doing it out of malice. It wasn’t like that with Nancy’s dad, he was doing it because he thought his daughter deserved more. Someone better than him. And as much as he wanted to believe something different, deep down he knew Mr. Wheeler had a point. He’d agreed to go to New York, and while he didn’t regret the decision, the truth was that Nancy would meet plenty of good men in college. He wanted to knock on the front door and tell that to her dad, and at the same time plead with him to let him have these few months, or however long it was going to last. Eventually it would come to an end, and one day Mr. Wheeler might end up with a son-in-law he approved of, assuming Nancy would ever marry anyone at all._

***

_July, 1992_

Some things changed with time, and others didn't. Unfortunately, Ted Wheeler still hated him. The argument that had been brewing for years had finally exploded when they'd been in Hawkins for the first time after getting engaged. Her dad hadn’t taken the news well. He hadn’t exactly attacked them, but he’d refused to offer his congratulations. The situation had escalated, and Nancy had yelled, as had both of her parents, while Jonathan had sat on the couch, feeling like a useless spectator. But he hadn’t been an outsider in the scene, had he? _He_ was the reason they were arguing.

The confrontation had ended with Nancy storming out of the house, Jonathan at her heels. He’d caught up to her in front of the house and pulled her to him gently. She hadn’t pushed him away, but come into his arms willingly.

_"I'm sorry," he told her, as she sobbed against his chest._

_"I'm sorry my dad is a such an ass."_

_"No,_ my _dad is an ass. Your dad is doing this because he loves you."_

_"He's doing this because he thinks I'm a disgrace to this family."_

_"I'm pretty sure that's_ me _."_

_"Jonathan-"_

_"I don't want you to lose your dad over me. We'll call it off, and the two of you can fix things."_

_"Do you want to call it off?"_

_"No, but-"_

_"Then we're getting married. I'm 25 years old and I'm not letting him dictate what I can and can't do with my life. What he thinks doesn't matter."_

_"But it does matter to you, and that's okay."_

_"It's not. Would you refuse to marry me if your mom disliked me for no good reason?"_

_"My mom would probably adopt you if she could, Nancy."_

_"But what if she didn't like me? What if she hated me?"_

_He sighed. She was actually going to make him answer this._

_"Then I'd still hope that the two of you could get along, but I'd marry you with or without her blessing."_

_"There you have it. We’re not calling this off because of my dad."_

_“He’s your family.”_

_“So are you, and I want this. Maybe he’ll get it someday, but for now I’m going to ignore him.”_

Now their wedding day was merely four days away, and he was driving to Hawkins with Lady to help with the arrangements. Nancy still had to work, but he’d pick her up at the airport in two days.

Most of the work had already been done by his mom and Karen Wheeler, who hadn't let her husband's disapproval separate her from her firstborn daughter. Jonathan was grateful for her help and support, as he could tell that not being on speaking terms with her dad was taking its toll on Nancy. He wasn't coming to the wedding. Neither was his dad, but at least that was because he hadn't been invited in the first place.

He had a lot of time to think during the drive, but when he reached his mom’s house, he still hadn’t decided if he should try to talk to Nancy’s dad. He wasn’t good with people, so he might make things worse, but the whole thing was his fault, so how could he not try to fix it? Especially when the two of them definitely had something in common. He’d have to make a decision either way before Nancy got there, because she’d never let him do it.

***

His mom ran to the front yard to meet him.

"I've missed you so much! I still can't believe my boy's getting married," she said, embracing him.

Jonathan took Lady out of the car and they all headed inside, where El and Jim were watching baseball, with Strider perched on the couch next to El.

"Good to see you, Jonathan," greeted Jim, coming to slap his shoulder.

"Jonathan," sighed El, hugging him.

"You nervous yet?" asked Jim.

He shook his head.

"Not really. I've made a good choice."

"So has Nancy!" quipped his mom from the kitchen. "Guys, let's eat!" she continued.

El switched the TV off and they took their seats at the table. 

***

Wednesday morning dawned cloudy, and Jonathan was woken by his anxious dog, who insisted on a walk soon after 6 AM. The fresh air cleared his head and he reached a decision on Nancy's dad. 

"There's something I need to do before we go. I won't be long," he called out to his mom after breakfast.

"Okay, honey! But don't be late, the fitting's at noon sharp!"

***

Dishonest flattery wasn't his thing, so he was going to have to go with sincere, and try not to get mad, no matter what he said. He reminded himself that he wasn't that insecure 17-year-old with a suspicious background anymore, but a grown man with somewhat decent prospects. After a few deep breaths, he got out of the car and went inside.

Ted Wheeler was sitting behind his desk, and didn't even raise his eyes from his stack of papers when he walked in.

"Mr. Wheeler?" He called out. The man had never told him to call him Ted, so despite Nancy’s and her mom’s protests, Jonathan had stuck to the formality.

"Yes?" only now the man bothered to look at him.

"We need to talk," he said.

Mr. Wheeler sighed.

"What could we possibly have to talk about?"

"Nancy. You're hurting her. It doesn't matter to me if you don't like me, but she's your daughter. I know you love her."

"You're right about that. You may also understand that I only want the best for my children."

The insult stung, but Jonathan swallowed his hurt. _This wasn't about him._

"I'm going to do everything I can to be the kind of man she deserves, but this isn't about me. This is about Nancy, and you supporting her even if you don't agree with her."

"You're wasting your time here, Jonathan," said Mr. Wheeler, sighing. "I've heard all of this before from my wife. You’ve turned out to be a better man than your father, but this still isn’t the life I imagined for my daughter."

"Well, this what she chose for herself! If you refuse to stand by her and respect her, then you’re really no better than my dad," he hissed, striding out of the office.

The anger only began to dissipate once he got into his car. Groaning, he closed his eyes and banged his head on the wheel.  _Shit._ He shouldn’t have come. 

***

“All right, tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Nothing to worry about, mom” he mumbled.

“Is it about the wedding?”

“Not about the wedding itself. I really want to marry her.”

His mom grinned.

“I know, and I’m so happy for both of you.”

“Thanks.”

“But don’t think you can distract me, Jonathan. What’s going on?”

He sighed, deciding to tell her the truth.

“I tried talking to Nancy’s dad.”

“Oh, no, honey.”

“I had to try.”

“What did you say to him?”

“In a nutshell, I told him he was like dad if he refused to support Nancy.”

“Jonathan…”

“I know it was a mistake, okay?”

His mom sighed.

“Well, he wasn’t going to be there anyway, so you can’t have made things any worse. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

His mom was right, but he would still have to tell Nancy once she got there, in case her dad told someone.

“Is Nancy going to stay with us?”

“Yeah, except on Friday night.”

His mom shook her head in disbelief.

“I seriously can’t believe you’re getting married in three days.”

He laughed. She was probably going to say that several times a day until after the wedding.

“Me neither.”

***

Jonathan was supposed to pick up Nancy at the airport after noon on Thursday, but El’s dress needed some work, and since his mom and Jim were both at work and Mike wouldn't be coming home from Indianapolis until the next day, he had to drive her to the seamstress and let Karen pick up Nancy instead. 

He drove straight to the Wheelers’ after dropping El off, anxious to see Nancy. It wasn’t that he couldn’t manage a few days away from her, but the wedding and all the anxiety it was causing was making him uncomfortable.

She practically flew into his arms as she opened the door for him.

“It’s only been two days,” he joked, holding onto her tight.

“I know, but this is…”

“Insane? Yeah.”

“We should’ve gone for the City Hall option. In New York, I mean.”

“I know what you mean. Too late for that now, I guess?”

She nodded.

“Probably. I think our moms would kill us.”

“They would. I need some time away from them now, though.”

“I could use some, too.”

“Let’s get out of here, then,” he suggested.

“Mom wants to go through the seating order one more time,” she groaned.

“But there are only like 20 guests, right?” he asked.

“As far as I know. She’s getting a little out of hand.”

“Tell her we’ll do it.”

She considered the idea.

“That’s actually not a bad suggestion at all.”

They got into the car and bought dinner from the supermarket. It was time to go somewhere they wouldn't be disturbed.

“Where are we going?” she asked, opening a can of cold ginger ale and taking a swig.

“You’ll see. I haven’t been there since I was a kid, but it was a beautiful place back then,” he replied, accepting the can from her.

 Jonathan didn’t have many happy memories that included his dad, but there was one: the time his parents had taken him and Will to watch a meteor shower. The hill was around 15 miles from Hawkins, with a decent view of the surrounding area. The gravel road leading up the hill was just as he remembered it, and the hill itself was just as quiet and empty as it had been all those years ago. There wouldn’t be a meteor shower tonight, but the open night sky was beautiful anyway, and they were alone.

They sat on the hood of the car and unpacked the food.

“Why were you here the last time?” she asked.

“There was a meteor shower… I think I must’ve been like 7 or 8. We were all here.”

“Your dad too?”

“Yeah. Not his style at all, but I guess he was having a good day. Or maybe he was feeling guilty about something, although I'm not sure he's capable of that."

She leaned her head into his shoulder.

"Does he even know about the wedding?"

"I haven't told him, and neither has mom. I guess there's a chance he's heard about it from someone else, though. I don't care, as long as he doesn't show up, and even if he does, I won't let him ruin it."

"I know you won't," she replied, reaching for his hand.

He gasped as her other hand crept up his thigh, a playful smile on her face.

“You can’t wait for two days?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

“Can you?” she asked in return, her breath hot against his ear now.

He had her pinned under him, against the car in less than three seconds. Her legs wrapped around his waist, and he slipped a hand under her top, unhooking the clasp of her bra. 

He itched to slip his fingers into her jeans, to tease her slowly on the hood of the car, until she cried out his name, but she had other plans. Her hands made quick work on his zipper and pulled down his pants and boxers in one swift movement. Tonight was different. It was frantic, with both of them yearning for control.

Before he managed to get a single word out, she was stroking him. "Still want to wait?" She teased. He grunted in response, and she lowered herself down to take him in her mouth.

God, he was never going to last if she didn't stop now. 

With willpower he hadn't known he possessed, he pushed her away and yanked the car door open. She let out an excited squeal when he grabbed her by the waist and pushed her onto the seat before pulling her jeans and panties off.

Having sex in a car wasn’t the most comfortable thing he’d ever done, especially when there was some wedding-related clutter on the backseat. His back was stung by one of El’s hairpins when Nancy straddled him, but it wasn’t enough to slow them down.

“I thought only teenagers did this,” he said, pulling her into his lap afterward.

“Well, we’re not exactly ancient yet,” she replied, adjusting her position to be closer to him.

The sky outside was darkening, with some of the stars already visible. 

"Thank you for bringing me here," she whispered, turning her head to press a kiss on his throat. 

“I'll take you anywhere I can. Are you cold?”

“No,” she sighed. “I’m happy. And sleepy.”

“There’s something you should know,” he said.

“What is it?”

“I tried talking to your dad.”

“You what? Why? When?”

“Yesterday morning. I wanted to help, but I know it was a mistake. I’m sorry.”

“I hope you didn’t listen to his bullshit. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

“I lost my temper and pretty much said he’s like my dad if he doesn’t respect your decisions.”

“You didn’t?”

“I did."

"Look at me, Jonathan," she told him, turning around in his arms.

"I don't need to you to speak for me, but I love you for what you did."

***

They were supposed to spend the night before the wedding apart, so she stayed in her parents' home after dinner on Friday. He couldn't sleep, despite Nancy's scent still lingering on her pillow in his old bed, reminding him of home. Tiptoeing to the hallway, he picked up the phone and dialed out of memory.

"Hello?" she answered, her voice sounding tired.

"Hi, it's me."

"Hey. Trouble sleeping?"

"Yeah. Did I wake you?"

"No, I just turned the lights off. Mom's still awake, I tried to get her to go to bed too, but she ignored me."

"How's your dad? Has he said anything?"

"No, he went to bed at 10 and didn't talk to me all night. I don't think he's going to be there, but I don't care. It's his loss."

"Nancy... You can be upset about it, he's your dad," he told her gently.

He heard her sniffle on the other end.

"It really doesn't matter what he thinks, and I'm going to marry you, but I wish... I wish he could be happy for me."

"I wish that too. Do you want me to come there?" he asked.

"No, I'm taking my mom's car and coming there, okay?"

Before he had time to answer, she hung up. He waited in the living room and let her inside, careful not to wake anyone else.

"I'm such a mess tonight," she sobbed, as he wrapped his arms around her and led her into his room.

"You have every right to be."

"I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep tonight... Is there anything we could do here, like a chore or something? I don’t want to think about my dad anymore." she said, sitting cross-legged on his bed.

He thought about the box full of Will's old drawings under his bed. Maybe the right time had finally come.

"I guess we could go through some of Will's old drawings. They've been under my bed since we emptied his room, and I never felt strong enough to look at them."

"But you don't mind doing it now?"

"I can't avoid it forever, and he's been on my mind a lot lately."

"Don't you want to do it with your mom?"

He shook his head.

"No, she's got her own burdens to carry. And it's not like we're going to throw anything away, so she can look at them another time if she wants to."

"Let's do it, then," she answered, covering his hand with hers for a moment before he reached under his bed and pulled out the dusty red cardboard box.

"Wow," she whispered, seeing the sheer amount of drawings.

"I'm not sure if mom ever threw away anything he drew," he said with a wistful smile.

"He was really good. Like you with your photos."

"He was better than me in many ways. Smarter, calmer, more talented. When he heard from someone at school that I'd punched Steve, he was surprised. I guess he'd never thought I could be violent."

"You're not violent! Will was missing and Steve was pretty much asking for it. You held me back earlier, remember?"

"I remember. The whole thing with the writings about you, it was where it started for me, but I thought it wasn't my business to get all angry in your behalf or try to defend you. Then he wouldn't stop and went after my family and I snapped," he sighed.

He wasn't particularly proud of what he'd done, but he wouldn't have taken it back either.

"We all have our breaking point."

"I still don't want to be the kind of person who tries to solve things with violence. I always told Will it wasn't the way and then ended up doing it anyway. I was a hypocrite."

"You wouldn't do it if someone attacked your mom, El or me that way?"

"I guess I won't make any promises, but I'd do my best not to react that way."

The drawings in front of him were mostly from Will's elementary school years, depicting their dog, mom, Mike, Lucas and Dustin, and sometimes Jonathn. There were also a few that he recognized to be scenes from games the boys like to play and books they liked to read, with wizards, dragons, orcs and other magical creatures. The ones drawn in comic format were Jonathan's favorites, as good won out in all of Will's stories.

"Jonathan, look at this!" Exclaimed Nancy all of a sudden, holding out a drawing for him to see.

The scene showed a dark forest with two silhouetted human figures, walking side by side. One of them was slightly taller than the other one and was carrying a bat and the shorter one sported a ponytail.

"It's us," he said, stating the obvious.

"You told him about how we went out looking for it?"

He nodded.

"Yeah, he wanted to know how we'd started talking."

"We could frame this and put it on our wall at home," she suggested.

"Good idea."

"I found this one too," she said, holding out another drawing.

This one had both of them in it as well, pictured from the front this time. He recognized the look Will had drawn on Nancy's face, her entire face haunted and distraught. She'd looked like that for months after Barb's death. He also recognized himself, his eyes not staring forward, but at the imaginary ground, avoiding anyone who might've been looking.

"Did he know-"

"I never exactly told him how I felt about you, but he did ask me. He’d kind of already figured it out by then."

"Do you want to take this one too?"

"Sure."

Nancy seemed to have Will's most recent works in her pile, because the next ones she picked up made her gasp.

"What is it?"

"These are from the Upside Down," she whispered.

They definitely were. The dark shades, the tentacle-like roots and tree branches, the moss, and the light mist. It wasn’t a surprise that the place hadn’t left his brother alone despite his rescue. It had had that effect on Nancy too, and Will had been much younger than her. Some of the drawings were so disturbing that they gave him goosebumps. If Will had really seen these things, then the place was even scarier than Jonathan had ever believed. Had Will only seen that place when he'd closed his eyes? If only he'd told him, he could've tried to do more to help him.

"These could be useful someday, but maybe we shouldn't look at them for too long," she said quietly, gently prying the drawings from his hands. She was right. It was no good losing themselves in that world.

Jonathan woke up to Nancy's lips pressing against his cheek, the familiar weight of Lady on his legs. He had no idea when they'd fallen asleep.

"See you later. I'm taking this with me, but only for today," she murmured, and he opened his eyes to see her holding his camera.

"What...?" he started groggily.

"This is our day, you need to be in the pictures, not taking them. Except you can take some of me tonight, after the reception," she replied, flashing a sly smile at him.

"Okay." He nodded, pulling her into the mattress for one last kiss. He could live without his camera for one day, especially knowing his friends would be taking more photos than anyone could possibly want.

"I have to go," she groaned.

Reluctantly, he released her. Once she was gone, he pulled on his clothes from the previous night and slipped out of the house with Lady. After a long walk in the misty woods as the sun crept slowly over the horizon, he jumped into his car.

The lights were on in the kitchen now, meaning that at least his mom had to be awake.  It was still early though, and he had time for this before getting dressed.

The cemetery wasn't as gloomy that morning as he remembered it usually being. He had no flowers to place on his brother's grave, but there was something else in his pocket: an old toy car, the first present he'd ever given Will. He'd been only a baby then, barely a day old, and naturally hadn't understood anything about toys, but their mom had still let him place the toy in the baby's bassinet, a teary smile on her face.

_"Why are you crying, mommy?" He'd asked, worried he'd done something wrong._

_"Because you're the best big brother in the world, and Will's so lucky to have you. The two of you are going to be best friends."_

The grave was covered in blooming summer flowers, and he laid the car in front of them carefully.

"Miss you, Buddy," he exhaled.

Jonathan knew Will wasn't in the ground, only his physical remains were. He still wanted to believe that his brilliant and kind little brother existed somewhere in some form that none of them could see. There was no way of knowing what came after death, these were matters of faith. 

***

"Jonathan, finally! Where have you been?" asked his mom, as he walked back into the house.

"I went to see Will."

He saw the tears threatening to rise into his mom's eyes, but she merely nodded.

"He'd be so happy for you," she said.

"I wish he was here."

"I know. Me too."

He got dressed, and soon they were all on their way to the chapel with plenty of time to spare before the ceremony. He was starting to feel exposed and fidgety without his camera, but Nancy had a point.

A half an hour later, Mike was removing nonexistent lint from his tux in front of the mirror, watching El fix her hair over and over again, while his mom was standing in front of an open window with a cigarette in her hand. Chain-smoking was a certain sign that she was nervous, no matter what she claimed.

"Nancy's here," she suddenly said, nodding towards the street in front of the chapel.

Not that he'd thought she wouldn't show up, but knowing that made it all the more real. They were really going to do this. His gut twisted, but not in a bad way. He couldn't wait to see her.

A knock on the door startled them all. As Jonathan pulled it open, he saw a man he hadn't expected to see at all that day: Ted Wheeler.

"May I come in?" He asked, peering into the room carefully.

"Uh, yeah." Moving out of the way to let his soon-to-be father-in-law in, he wondered what he could possibly be doing there.

"Dad, what are you doing here?" asked Mike, frowning at his dad.

"I'd like to speak to Jonathan, alone."

His mom shot him a questioning look, and Jonathan shrugged in response. _It's fine_ , he mouthed.

"Let's go see Nancy, Holly and Karen," said his mom, throwing her cigarette out of the window before ushering El and Mike out.

"I know there's not a lot of time, so I'll make this quick. What you said to me was rude and offensive, but as much as I hate to admit it, you were right. You've been with Nancy for a long time and I can tell she loves you very much, so I'm going to do my best to make sure she stays happy. I trust you to do the same."

Jonathan felt like laughing. _Now_ he was telling him that? It only took him seven and and a half years.

"Of course," he replied, nodding vigorously.

"And it's probably time you started calling me Ted."

"Okay." Ted offered Jonathan his hand and he shook it. As soon as the door closed behind him, his mom slipped back inside.

"What did he want?"

"To tell me I was right. He's changed his mind."

"Oh, Jonathan, that's wonderful!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him.

***

They were ready to start, everyone having arrived. His mom and Jim were seated in the front row, with her already reaching for a Kleenex. El and Holly would walk down the aisle before Nancy. Nancy's mom on the other side of the aisle, smiling at him encouragingly. Nancy's grandparents behind her, as well as her friends Katherine and Beth with her boyfriend and mom, who he'd seen once a week for two years for therapy. He owed her a lot.

His own friends were positioned strategically, with John hanging close to him, and Barry standing a bit to the side from the doorway Nancy would walk in from. Mike next to him, his hands in his pockets, and the rest of Will's best friends sitting in the second row on his side. He'd never been religious, but he wished for nothing more than for Will to see all of them there now and for him to know that he was thinking about him and wishing he was there with them. Having Mike be his best man felt like a good way to honor Will.

"Are you ready?" asked the minister.

He nodded.

"Ready."

The man nodded to the cantor and the music started. Holly came first, her now dark blonde hair in curls, white flowers in her hair, her pale blue dress flowing around her. She grinned at him shyly before going to sit next to her mother.

El was the next to enter, wearing a dress almost identical to Holly's, her dark curls pinned on her head. She nodded at him before flashing a silly smile at Mike. Instead of sitting down, she stopped on Nancy's side of the aisle. The rest of the crowd stood up, the music changed, and there she was. His Nancy, who he never allowed himself to refer to as his, but she was, and he was hers even more.

The second he saw her at the other end of the room, the only thing he could hear was his own pulse in his ears. A beaming Nancy, with Ted Wheeler next to her. Miracles still happened, and the joy on her face made it all worthwhile.

He'd had no idea about the dress, only that his mom, El, Holly, Karen and Nancy herself had spent three days during Spring Break trying to find the right one. Nancy would've looked beautiful in anything, but the dress fit her perfectly. She had no veil on, and the dress only reached down to her ankles. There were no extra layers or ruffles, only a simple white dress on a beautiful woman.

Jonathan felt Mike's hand on his shoulder. "Breathe before you faint," he whispered, laughing.

He barely registered his mom wiping her eyes in the front row, or even the awkward pat on the shoulder he received from Nancy's dad as they reached him and she slipped her hand into his.

Her hair flowed freely around her face and shoulders, and all he wanted to do was tuck it behind her ears. The minister was talking, but he had little idea what was being said until he heard his name mentioned. He repeated the words and managed to slip the ring onto Nancy's finger. The weight of the band she placed on his felt foreign at first, but he'd get used to it. 

 "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride," finished the minister.

Still holding both of her hands in his, he leaned into her, letting his mouth graze hers gently. It was nothing but a peck, but this was hardly the right time or place. Pulling away slightly, he rested his forehead against hers, before taking the rose from his breast pocket and tucking it behind her ear.

"This looks better on you," he whispered breathlessly, as her nose bumped into his.

***

Many loved getting drunk at weddings, and theirs was no exception. His mother was telling Nancy tearfully how much she loved her by 8:30, and she had to be gently removed by Jim, while Nancy's dad gave a short and sweet speech, his voice only slightly slurring. Jonathan had no need for alcohol, as the smell of old booze had always reminded him of his dad.

After his and Nancy's breakup he'd once accompanied John and Barry to a bar where he'd allowed them to buy him around a dozen drinks. Somehow, he'd managed to get back to his own apartment, but he'd spent half of the next day hugging the toilet seat, with every time he smelled his own breath, a wave of nausea washed over him. _Never again_ , he'd sworn, and he intended to keep that promise, so he settled on taking a few sips of Nancy's champagne. 

"Let's get out of here," he suggested, watching Nancy yawn next to him. They still needed to drive to the B&B he'd booked a room in, and it was getting late.

***

Around 20 miles from Hawkins, there was something in the middle of the road, and Jonathan slowed down, pulling to a stop.

“What is that?” asked Nancy.

“I think it’s a dead deer. We should move it off the road.”

“Yeah.”

Just as Jonathan was about to open his door, three figures emerged from the shadow of the trees. His hand flew out to grasp Nancy’s before he even thought about it. The creatures snatched the deer and disappeared with it within seconds. 

“What were those things?“

“I have no idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written while shamelessly listening to John Legend's "All of Me". One more chapter to go :)


	11. Epilogue

_July 1994_

“Is this what we’re looking for?” asked El, hidden behind the piles of boxes in their storage room.

Wiping her dusty hands on her jeans, Joyce stood up and peered at her over the boxes.

“Yes, that’s it, you found it! Great job! Are all the other parts there, too?”

“I think so. There are five.”

“Then we’ve got all of them. Let’s get them inside.”

The layer of white paint on the wooden crib had faded over the years, but a little paintjob wasn’t hard to do.

It had been more than 20 years since Will had slept in this crib, and before him it had been Jonathan’s. How long it had been since they’d had a baby in the house… The empty place in her heart that belonged to Will made itself known again as she thought of him. The pain was more of a dull ache now, still present in most things she did, but manageable. It was only during the holidays or close to Will’s birthday or the anniversary of his death that she found it hard to get out of bed. In a few months, it would be ten years since she’d lost him.

Sometimes, when she was alone in the house, she still thought she could hear his footsteps, and even his voice, whispering to her, but she knew it was her mind playing tricks on her. Hop was the only one who knew the whole truth, and she was determined to keep it that way. With him she didn’t have to be strong or try to spare his feelings, he could handle everything she threw at him without declaring her insane or getting scared.

“Are you okay?”

El’s voice seemed to come from somewhere far away, but Joyce shook her head to clear it and smiled at her.

“Yeah, just got stuck in my memories again.”

“About Will?”

“Yeah. But don’t worry about it, sweetie, I’m fine. We need to get some paint, but otherwise I think the crib only needs to be put back together.”

They spent the entire afternoon working on the crib, giving it two new layers of paint and then putting it back together carefully. Finally, Joyce set it up in the master bedroom and made it ready for her granddaughter. 

***

“Not inside!” she said firmly, snatching the lit cigarette from her husband’s fingers.

“They're not even here yet, Joyce,” he grumbled.

“I don’t care. I already told you that we’re not going to poison my granddaughter. Go and smoke on the porch.”

“Fine,” he sighed, pressing a kiss on her forehead before slipping out of the door.

Hop had been making fun of the cleaning spree she’d been on all week, but her granddaughter deserved nothing but the best she could offer. She still couldn’t believe they’d named the baby partly after her. _Julia_ _Joy Byers._

Despite her only being three months old, Jonathan had already sent her dozens of photos. She had only seen her once, right after her birth, and at that point it had been hard to say who she took after. The most recent photos had put that debate to rest; she looked just like Nancy, except for her eyes and smile. Her eyes were now nearly brown, and the smile was all Jonathan’s.

She remembered the night she'd found out the news. It had been Thanksgiving, and Karen had been in charge of most of the dinner, but Jonathan and Nancy had been tasked with the gravy and cranberry sauce.

_As Joyce entered the Wheelers' kitchen to grab more plates for the table, she found them standing next to the counter, facing each other, her son's hand lightly placed on his wife's lower abdomen. She could tell Nancy had put on a bit of weight, but unless her hunch was right, it would be impolite to bring it up._

_Her loose sweater covered her midsection so well that it was impossible to tell for sure, but Jonathan's gentle gesture didn't do much to alleviate her suspicions. As soon as they heard her steps, Jonathan pulled his hand away and turned back to the stove._

_It wasn't difficult to put two and two together, and Joyce could barely contain herself. Her Jonathan was going to be a father! Suppressing her excitement for the time being, she shot a bright grin at Nancy and left to set the table._

Having a child changed your entire life. She'd been so scared with Jonathan, a new mom with little idea of what to do, so she'd done as her instincts had told her to. There had been a time when she'd been terrified that she'd let Lonnie hurt him so badly that he'd always be alone and never let anyone close. She didn't know if he was even tougher than she'd believed, or if it was because he'd found someone who he couldn't help but let in. Will hadn't been as damaged by Lonnie as Jonathan, largely thanks to him always being there to protect his brother. Sometimes she blamed herself for having been so blind to Lonnie's behavior and for convincing herself for so long that keeping the family together was what mattered, and that the three of them wouldn't be able to make it on their own financially.

Now, after years of living with Hop, she was sometimes transported back in time, wishing she'd divorced Lonnie years earlier, long before he ever had a chance to leave them. She'd learned that families with two parents didn't have to be the way theirs had, and the thought that her sons hadn't had that made her heart ache. It was her fault and she could never make it up to Will anymore, but she could do her best to support Jonathan and his young family. It was an amazing thing, almost a surreal experience, first hearing your son had become a father and then seeing him hold a bundled-up newborn in his arms, obviously trying not to cry and doing an absolutely terrible job at it.

_The phone rang in the middle of the night._

_Usually it would've made Joyce think something bad must've happened, but this time was different. This could be_ the call _, and she scrambled out of bed as fast as she could, accidentally kicking Hop in the ribs in the process._

_"This had better be good," he groaned, still half asleep._

_"Hello?"_

_"Mom? It's a girl, and she's perfect!"_

_She sighed, not even realizing she'd been holding her breath._

_"Congratulations, honey! How's Nancy?" She asked._

_"She's tired, but... She was amazing.""_

_Give her a big hug for me, and your little girl, too."_

_"I will... When can you be here?"_

_"This weekend. Did you really think I could stand not seeing my granddaughter for longer than that?"_

_"Sorry, Mom. It's been a long day."_

_"Go back to your girls, sweetie. We'll talk again in the morning."_

_"Okay. Good night."_

_"Good night, Jonathan."_

Once again, El's voice brought her out of her memories.

"Mom, they're here!" she exclaimed. She'd been too busy with her classes to visit them in New York after the baby's birth, so she hadn't seen her yet.

Joyce pulled on her shoes and followed El outside, where Jonathan had let Lady out of the car and was now helping Hop unload the trunk. Nancy rose from the car, the precious bundle in her arms.

"Hey! How are you? Let me see my favorite granddaughter!" 

"Hey. She fell asleep a half an hour ago," replied Nancy, giving both Joyce and El a one-armed hug.

"Mom! We can't take your room," sighed Jonathan, standing at the front door, still holding their bags.

"Don't be silly. We'll be fine for a week."

"We didn't come here to invade your space."

"I know, but I'm not changing my mind. Put the bags in the bedroom."

Nancy let out a laugh when Jonathan let out a frustrated huff and strode back inside.

El eyed the baby, a small, curious smile on her lips. She hadn't been much around babies before.

"Can... Can I hold her?" she asked.

"Yeah, of course. Watch her head, though," replied Nancy, setting Julia in El's arms.

"She's smiling at me!" she exclaimed, her voice filled with wonder. Indeed, the baby was smiling in her sleep.

***

Joyce wasn't initially sure what woke her that night, but deciding to get a glass of water, she got up and padded quietly into the kitchen. She found the lights on, as well as two of her favorite people: Jonathan and Julia. He was pouring formula into a bottle, balancing the baby on his other arm. Her tiny face was red and wet with tears, but she wasn't crying, merely whining quietly.

Getting Lonnie to agree to change even a single diaper had been a chore, and usually he'd refused. When Jonathan had grown up a little, he'd been more interested in taking him to places, until it had become obvious to him that his son preferred books, music and pretty pictures to monster trucks and football.

_"You've ruined him, Joyce," he spat at her. "He's going to turn into a faggot."_

And then he'd forced Jonathan to shoot that rabbit.

She remembered the day as if it were yesterday; how angry she'd been. Jonathan had been inconsolable, choosing to hide in room straight after dinner.

_"He doesn't need you coddling him. He needs to learn how to be a man," he told her as she tried to go to him._

_"He's ten years old, Lonnie!" she hissed back._

"It's okay, Daddy's got this," Jonathan murmured, pressing a kiss on the top of his daughter's head.

Joyce cleared her throat to make her presence known.

"Oh, hey Mom. Did we wake you?" he asked.

"No, just needed a drink. Let me warm the milk, honey."

"No, I've got it, it's almost ready anyway."

They took seats at the kitchen table, Julia grabbing the bottle greedily.

"She's beautiful."

"Yeah, she is. She looks like Nancy," he replied, smiling down at her.

"She does, but there's a bit of you in her too. Does she still wake you up often in the middle of the night?”

He shrugged.

“Not really, but I guess her rhythm’s a bit off after the car ride here.”

“How’s Nancy feeling about going back to work?”

“She’s going to miss her, but I can tell she needs the challenge, too.”

“Well, she’s got nothing to worry about, you’re great with her.”

Jonathan had only recently decided to set up a studio of his own, as he didn’t like to be ordered around by others and this way he had more flexible hours.

“And if she’s not with me, Mrs. Torres next door will take great care of her. Julia loves her, and she’s got five grandkids of her own.”

Joyce remembered their kindly neighbor and the excellent casseroles she’d brought them after Julia’s birth.

“It’s still hard to leave your baby with someone else… Please tell me the two of you aren’t planning on running after monsters anymore.”

Jonathan sighed.

“We aren’t planning on dying and leaving her an orphan, if that’s what you’re asking, but…”

“So you’re still going to do it.”

“When we have to, yeah.”

"It's not your responsibility to kill them all even after what happened to Will. There are others..."

"It is my responsibility! At the very least I have to do my part. If more good people had known about it, Will would still be here, Mom. We can't let that happen to others."

"You have a family to think about now, don't waste it."

"I'd do anything for them. Nothing's more important to me, mom, you have to know that. Nancy and I agree on this. We work as a team, and we didn't do it at all when she was pregnant and we're not going to do it again until Julia's older. She needs us too much. And we'll be careful, I promise. But we can’t let those things slip into this world, mom. Julia lives here, too, and someday they might take a liking to her. We’re aware of that place, and we have the responsibility to do our share to control it.”

Sometimes Jonathan's stubbornness still made her want to tear her hair out, but she had to trust him. He was a smart young man with a smart wife. In some ways, Nancy had always reminded Joyce of herself when she'd been younger, except that Nancy was of course the smarter and prettier one of them.

***

The shower was running when Joyce woke up the next morning. Rising from the couch, she walked to the bedroom now occupied by Jonathan, Nancy and Julia, and found her granddaughter alone in the room, lying in the crib, half awake and staring at the ceiling.

“Hey, little sweetheart,” she cooed, picking her up.

“Did your Mommy and Daddy leave you here all by yourself?” she asked, hearing muffled whispers and laughter from the bathroom.

Her voice must’ve been too loud, as the laughter stopped and Nancy emerged from the bathroom, wearing Jonathan’s t-shirt, her wet hair darkening the fabric at her shoulders.

“Did she wake you? I'm sorry, we tried to listen-" she began.

"No, no, it's okay. I was awake already."

"I can take her if you need to do something."

"No, I'd like to spend some quality time with her. I'm going to see your mom later, I could take her with me then, too."

"You wouldn't mind?"

"Of course not. You two should spend some time alone."

***

With neither Nancy or Mike no longer living at home, and Holly spending more time with her friends, Karen called Joyce more often. For the longest time, she’d felt awkward staying in their perfectly clean and roomy house, knowing this woman couldn’t possibly know what it was like to struggle financially, but somehow none of that seemed to matter much anymore. Over the years, their families had become so tightly intertwined that finding things to talk about wasn’t difficult anymore, even less so now with their common granddaughter. If Joyce was honest with herself, she had to admit she hadn’t had this much fun with a friend since high school.

Today they needed to head to the grocery store for some baking supplies Karen apparently needed for a batch of cupcakes. As they were trying to load all the groceries and the car seat into their cars, a shiny dark blue car stopped beside them.

“Do you ladies need help?”

“Hi, Steve! We’d love some, thank you very much," answered Karen, releasing a relieved sigh. Joyce hadn't really paid much attention to Steve Harrington in years, but it was definitely him. 

“Then allow me.”

Steve first took the bags from Joyce, leaving her with two free hands to hold onto the car seat. When all the bags were safely loaded, Steve turned to the baby.

“Who’s this?” he asked, sounding genuinely interested. Maybe he could guess the truth.

“This is Julia, our granddaughter,” replied Karen cheerily, throwing an arm around Joyce's shoulders.

“She’s Nancy’s and Jonathan’s?”

“Yes,” answered Joyce, not taking her eyes off the young man's who her son had once fought. His expression was hard to decode, but she thought she could perhaps see a smidgen of resentment, of jealousy. There was no way of knowing if he simply wished he had a family of his own, or if he was thinking the baby could be his if things had worked out differently.

Steve nodded.

“Well, good for them. Please congratulate them for me. I need to get going.”

“Thanks for the help, Steve.”

“Anytime!”

 ***

"What was Steve like?" Joyce wasn't sure why she felt compelled to ask that as they sat in the Wheelers' dining room.

"Very... Not like Jonathan. He reminds me a little of how Ted used to be."

"Oh."

"I think it all turned out for the best when it comes to all their lives. Nancy and Jonathan belong together."

"You don't think she would've been happy with Steve?"

"Not like this, no. I think she would've regretted staying with him. I'm glad she didn't make that mistake," said Karen, almost wistfully. 

Joyce wanted to ask Karen if she was happy in her own marriage, but despite their friendship, she figured the topic might be a tad too personal.

"Do you... Do you ever wonder how your life could've turned out if you hadn't married Lonnie?" asked Karen.

"Yeah... Sometimes. But he gave me two great sons."

"That's how I feel about my family, too."

Joyce nodded at her. Maybe not all things needed to be voiced in order to be understood.

***

She returned to a quiet house, only the dogs coming to greet her at the door.

"Where are your Mommy and Daddy?" she murmured to the sleeping baby.

The door to the master bedroom was ajar, and as she pushed it open, she found her son and daughter-in-law lying on top of the comforter, both of them fast asleep. She laid Julia in the crib carefully and closed the door behind her, as quietly as she could.

As she got back to the kitchen, she found a nearly wrapped gift box waiting on the table, with an envelope leaning against it.

_Mom_

She opened it to find a card with what had to be Julia's footprints in pink paint.

  _Mom,_

_Thank you for everything you've done for me, and for us._

_Love,_

_Jonathan, Nancy & Julia_

Joyce opened the box, which revealed a framed photo of her son's family. The lush green background of what was probably Central Park, the deep blue sky and the sun shining on the three figures in the photo. Nancy was holding the baby, but her eyes were on Jonathan, and she was smiling the same familiar secret smile she'd grown so used to seeing on both of their faces over the years. Jonathan's arm was around her waist, his eyes locked on her as much as hers were on his. She guessed it must've been taken by one of Jonathan's photographer friends, and she loved it, immediately knowing where it'd find its place.

At the center of the shelf sat an old school photo of Will. Not the most recent one she had, because the haunted look in his eyes and his gaunt face weren't the things she wanted to remember him by. It was the one from 1983, when he'd been a happy, talented little boy with no nightmares or visions of monsters. She'd kept the candle in front of it lit for nearly a decade now.

Among the other photos on the shelf were El's graduation photo, Nancy and Jonathan's wedding picture as well as an old photo of Will and Jonathan, a picture from her and Hop's wedding and the first photo of Julia that Jonathan had sent her. Making a decision, she took a deep breath. Maybe it was time to bring the living ones to the center stage as well. Will wouldn't be forgotten, but despite the pain she still felt, life _had_ gone on. The evidence of that was right in front of her in all those moments of happiness she couldn't have imagined experiencing, and in the new life her son had helped create.

Carefully, she picked out two photos in addition to the one already in her hand. Leaving the others in the background, she placed the three photos around Will's picture and the candle. El, so proud and happy on her graduation day, herself and Hop sharing a stupid smile on their wedding day, taken by Jonathan, and of course the newest addition: Jonathan, Nancy and Julia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with the story :) In case you're interested, I'm currently working on three new Jancy fics, the first one is a one-shot featuring them as 8-year-olds, the 2nd one is a multi-chapter prequel to this fic (basically how their relationship grows from 1983 to 1984) and the last one is a multi-chapter set in 1988 (and a different ficverse). Stay tuned!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Evolution of Jonathan Byers and Nancy Wheeler](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9810722) by [Arctic_comet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arctic_comet/pseuds/Arctic_comet)
  * [The Missing Ones](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10271435) by [Arctic_comet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arctic_comet/pseuds/Arctic_comet)




End file.
